A bigger lie was never told to the American population than how they should and shouldn’t eat. Yes, I know- this is coming from someone who claims to love food science. And I do. It is precisely that reason that the American Food Chain System frustrates me so much. Today I want to talk about having a healthier food lifestyle.

There is so much misinformation out there about what ingredients are good, which are bad, what will help you shed weight quickly, what will balance your gut bacteria, etc. that its easy to get lost in the ‘data’ if you’re not paying attention and you’re not an informed consumer.

This misinformation changes so constantly that it shouldn’t be surprising how many people have little to no idea what they’re putting in their bodies. It is politisized, capitalized, and propaganda’ed to death. Which leads to swaths of people with eating disorders, malnutrition problems, and a great many other issues. Today we’re going to cut through all the red tape. This is a political, propaganda free space. Below is a list of 7 things that I use as pillars in my dietary choices to have a healthier food lifestyle.

Disclaimer

This is one of those topics that I can end up on a soap box about and by the end of the soap box people are reminding me to breathe when I talk. You’ve heard me talk a bit about this in our post on Kitchen Sustainability and Nutritional Paradigms and I’m excited to dive deeper. I get passionate about a number of food topics and this one is right up there with people cutting any form of filled doughnut in half. I could spend hours, days and even weeks talking about all the different levels and complexities of the American food system. In fact, I plan too. That’s kind of the whole point. But today, at least, I wanted to give you a brief overview of my overall stance on food, so that as we build on topics, you know where I’m coming from.

You don’t have to agree with me, in fact, I’m hoping some of you won’t because I love discussions. Much of what I currently believe has come from discussions with other people in conjunction with my own experiences and learning- my views are much different than they were when I was younger. All I ask, is that you come in with an open mind. Afterall, these are my opinions and experiences, and I’m sure my experiences will differ somewhat from yours.

I’m Not a Doctor- What I am sharing is My Opinion Based on My Experience and Education

The easiest thing to do is tell you what I believe, and why. From there we can build on and discuss different areas in depth in the coming months. As I have said previously, I am not a doctor– and for any topic specific, truly in-depth medical advice, I would urge you to talk to a doctor and nutritionist/ dietician (I did). But I believe we are smarter as a community when there is collaboration and I see no harm in sharing baselines and guidelines.

At my core, my food beliefs are simple and few, and I will try to pass it on that way as I think most things in life are easiest to adopt when kept simple. I think most people would have a better overall quality of life if they had a healthier food lifestyle. And we’re all about quality of life here.

A Healthier Food Lifestyle Means Everything in moderation

This applies to all my other opinions/ beliefs on this list as well. Heck, it’s solid life advice. Even when you make a less than perfect choice, its not a huge deal if you do not overindulge. It removes much of the pressure, and I never want someone to feel pressure or stress when eating. Also, you can have too much of even the ‘healthy’ things, which makes them not so healthy. In everything- moderation is key. So many times its not a matter of good food vs bad food but too much or too little. A healthier food lifestyle is about balance!

There Are No Bad Foods In A Healthier Food Lifestyle

This is a more complex concept and people tend to balk at this. There are things that are less healthy, there are things you should reach for first. There are things I try to minimize in my life or avoid 99% of the time. A healthier food lifestyle cannot exist in an environment where we are vilifying foods and food parts.

Food is fuel. Carbs are not bad. Fat is not bad. Chocolate is not bad. Gluten is not bad. Sugar is not bad. Things in EXCESS are bad. Is there a right way to eat carbs/gluten/sugar/fat etc.? You betcha. Are there specific individuals who due to allergies/medical conditions/ etc. need to avoid certain things? Yes, myself included. But that does not rule those categories out for everyone. Blanket bans on foods are a red flag for me. When we get into marketing, food psychology, and fad diets- you’ll see what I mean.

Erase the Word Diet From Your Vocabulary

Diets suck. I do not believe in diets. The phrase ‘I’m on a diet’ or ‘I’m watching my diet’ implies temporary. It implies restriction. It usually comes with a groan, an eyeroll, or a wave of sadness over pastries left un-eaten. “Diet” is a noun, not a verb. The second you tell yourself you ‘can’t have’ something- you want it three times more.

People quit diets; and the second you stop your ‘diet’ things go back to the way they were- weight, sleep, energy levels, brain function, sex drive, etc. I don’t do diets. I believe in lifestyles, intentionality, and eating things I love. Having a healthier food lifestyle starts with consistency. And consistency requires it to be something sustainable.

There are No Shortcuts to A Healthier Food Lifestyle

This is a hill I will die on. No matter how many times I get my hopes up, time has taught me- if you want it sustainable, healthy, balanced, and attainable- there are no shortcuts. There is no magic food to make you drop pounds quickly. Quick fixes don’t exist. If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is, and you should run for the hills. It took time to make you the way you are today and it will take time to make you into anything else, whatever that may be.

No Two People’s Diets Are the Same, Nor Should They Be

No two people are the same, so why do we have a one size fits all approach to food historically? This is where I say- talk to an expert. Learn what’s right for YOU. And WHY those choices are right for you. When you know WHY you’re doing what you’re doing- it’s a lot easier to do. I personally also believe this would eliminate 60% of fad diet crazes.

Ever heard “My cousin _______ has been doing keto and she lost like 50 pounds, maybe you should try that.” Or my personal favorite “you really should go gluten free, it would help with ______” 2000 years of mankind eating bread as a staple of our diet and all of a sudden EVERYBODY thinks gluten is satan’s favorite food. The gluten isn’t the problem, but we’ll get to that. Are some people gluten intolerant? Absolutely, but not everybody is. See where I’m going with this? A Healthier food lifestyle requires acknowledging your body as a unique individual, learning what those uniques individual needs are, and listening to them.

Whole Foods

Taking into consideration “everything in moderation” and “There are no bad foods”, I still reach for whole foods as often as I can because those are the best options for me. This is the difference between Food and Edible Food Products. Bell pepper= food. Oreos= Edible Food Product. I still pick up Oreo’s from time to time, but I try to go 90/10 in favor of foods that are exactly the way nature made them. Whole grain vs white bread, macaroni from scratch vs the kraft box.

My rule of thumb is: If I can’t say it- don’t eat it. If I don’t know what it is- don’t eat it. It’s not as hard as it sounds. I would rather you take pleasure from time to time in a homemade cheesecake or the extra queso you made from scratch to go with your burrito bowl than eat the box of hamburger helper or the prepackaged ‘dietary’ TV dinner (yes, I mean even the ‘healthy’ ones.).

So many people think they already have a healthier food lifestyle because they’re picking up the SmartOne instead of the Kraft Mac n Cheese. But the truth is- if you read the ingredients tab, they’re still loaded with things that aren’t meant to be in your body; they’re just low calorie or carb balanced (we’ll get to food marketing later because that’s a whole different animal).

Remember to Not Food Shame

Edible food products aren’t evil and can be enjoyed, I’m a terrible sucker for Girl Scout Cookies, They are in season and I have a couple boxes of Thin Mints in the freezer and several boxes of Samoa’s, Do-si-Do’s and Tagalongs hidden in the closet where my husband can’t get to them and eat them first. The point is everything in Moderation!

Meat is Not Bad

Yes, I know that this kiiiiind of fits in with “no food is bad”. And Yes, I know I just lost some of you. BUT it’s a big enough food schism that I think it warrants its own bullet point. I’d also like to remind you that I asked for open mindedness and that these are MY beliefs. They don’t have to be yours. If you are vegetarian or vegan- I do hope you keep reading. Not only because there are still other things in this section of our blog that are of value and will still be relevant to you but also because I think these kinds of discussions are important to working on that visceral schism.

I do not have a problem inherently with vegetarianism or veganism- though again, I believe there is a right and a wrong way to do both. However, I’m never going to be offended or bothered if someone chooses to not eat meat. If eating animals or animal bi-products bothers you emotionally or morally, I can accept and respect that so long as you afford me the same courtesy.

So here’s my stance on meat vs no meat in a healthier lifestyle:

Scientifically, we as humankind are omnivores. That means you are biologically designed to eat meat AND plants. It’s why you have front sharp teeth for the tearing of meat and flat back molars for grinding and chewing plant matter. Kind of like bears or wolves. That’s why you have one stomach and the intestinal structure you do instead of a crop like a bird or 4 stomachs like a ruminate. Plant protein is physically different than animal protein, and you are genetically designed to need BOTH. I personally do not believe in arguing with the natural order of things, mother nature knows best. I also happen to like how most meat tastes.

However, I’m picky about the meat I eat. Having a healthier food lifestyle means being a responsible consumer. I’m picky about where it comes from, how the animal is raised, its quality of life while alive. I’m picky about giving thanks, and making sure to call a spade a spade. If you’re going to eat pork, acknowledge it was a pig.

Additionally, I believe in moderating meat consumption- If China alone ate the amount of meat that the U.S. does- we would need 2.5 planets just to grow the amount of corn needed to feed the cows (see also, I don’t think cows should be fed corn products in feed lots, I only buy grass fed) that’s insane. We do not need nearly as much meat as modern society has trained you to consume. The rest of the world does not consume meat at nearly the same rate that we do.

In Conclusion for My Love of Food and a Healthier Food Lifestyle

Obviously, I’m very opinionated when it comes to food. I tried to pare down my biggest beliefs in their most generic and simple ways, knowing that we have all the time in the world to peel back layers and explore specific topics. I’m very excited to get to share nutritional tidbits, debunk theories, share recipes, discuss, dive deep, and learn more with you.

If you have a passion for food like I do- I would offer one parting piece of advice. Check out the Master Class by Michael Pollan. He presents a very straight forward and impartial view of several food topics and really stretched my critical thinking muscles and challenged some of my thoughts in a fresh and respectful way. He also articulates much better than I can and said something in that class that basically covers it all in the simplest of terms better than I ever could. I’ve been keeping it in my pocket as my easy to remember sentence for talking to people but also to help me make decisions about my food throughout the day: Eat Food. Not too much. Mostly Plants.

All the best, Always.

Mikaela

Happy New Years! Already 2023 is gone and we are entering a whole new cycle around the sun. I’m not usually much of a ‘New Year’s Resolution Girl’ because I feel like I spend a lot of time throughout the year setting myself new markers, milestones, and magnetic goals as I hit previous ones. I don’t wait for the New Year anymore because I hear my dad in my head saying, ‘no time like the present’.

But it hasn’t always been like this for me. I was, and sometimes still am the person that struggles with hitting goals because I struggle to make and keep routines. However, I’ve spent a lot of time over the last few years figuring out what works for me.

We all know the pattern: January first sees an upswing in ‘New Year, New Me’, and by February more than half of us have fallen off the bandwagon. I even went through several years of ‘I’m not even going to set a Resolution because I know I won’t keep it’. In honor of New Years, I want to talk about setting goals. More specifically setting Magnetic Goals. With consistency and work, every day can be New Year’s.

None of this is anything I came up with. I am no expert or guru. I don’t have a degree in psychology or credentials to back it. But I do have my own experiences, several years of trial, error, and frustration figuring out what works for me. As well as lots of books, workshops, counseling, and classes to pull from. I’m hoping I can save you from some of the same frustrations so that you can learn to set Magnetic Goals yourself. At the bottom of this article, you will find a list of some of those resources.

The problem with Setting Goals…

One of my biggest obstacles with ADHD is feeling easily overwhelmed, which leads to executive dysfunction and decision paralysis…that can make it very hard to meet goals. As a result, I spent a lot of time referring to myself as “A quitter” or “An Idea Hopper”. If you speak that over yourself often enough- it can really undermine your confidence over time. It becomes its own self-fulfilling prophecy.

So how do we avoid this?

We leverage magnetism in our goal setting.

Think about how magnets work. Have you ever tried to force together opposing sides of a set of magnets? When the Polarity is off, nothing you do will make them stay together. They will resist the second you let go, pushing against themselves with tension in the opposing direction. Unknowingly, a lot of people do this to themselves with goal setting. They create goals in situations and with lifestyles that are polarizing and doomed to not mesh.

But if you flip those exact same magnets around, you get an attraction so strong it acts as a sort of glue, You almost can’t keep them apart. This is what we want: Positive Tension. Magnetic Goals. It’s one thing to say it however, and quite another to figure out how to apply it.  

Creating a ‘Magnetic Goals’ Environment

Creating reachable goals is all about curating an environment that is designed to make it as hard as possible to fail. That doesn’t mean setting the bar so low that it’s a tripping hazard in hell; because that’s not a goal. But it means setting yourself up as much as possible for attainable success. Its about creating tension, especially if you’re an ADHD’r like me. That tension is going to keep you engaged, which is crucial to meeting goals.

A roadmap to Magnetic Goals

Actionable steps:

The first step to setting magnetic goals is to break up bigger goals into actionable steps. By actionable steps I mean physical things you can do. We’re not listing out all the passive things outside our sphere of influence or how the stars need to align for something to happen. I was first introduced to this concept in my freshman year of college, but it didn’t hit home until I took an accountability class that was actually taught by my cousin, Angela Totman.

This is the biggest step I find I can take to curate success. It prevents the big picture from seeming like too much or too far away, thereby causing that pesky paralysis. In a way, it goes without saying. But I’m going to say it anyways: baby steps. Take whatever your goal is and break it down into the smallest steps possible. For me, not only is it much easier to “take the next step” than it is to contemplate climbing Everest. But also, each tiny achievement reinforces the bigger goal. Over time, that will help rewrite the personal narrative you have told yourself about your success for who knows how long.

The Risk of Losing Magnetism

When magnets get too far apart, what happens? They stop pulling towards each other, their gravitational influence ends, tension is lost, and they collapse. Your goals are exactly the same. If your bigger goal is miles and miles away from your current capacity now- it will seem so grand that it becomes separate from yourself. Because I could never do that! As a result, you don’t even try. Why would you if you’ve already written yourself off?

But if your goal is just a little bit outside of your current capacity, you can stretch yourself that little bit. All of a sudden- that’s worth trying for. There’s tension when something is just out of reach. And then you just have to do it again and again and again.

Be specific.

Uber specific. Let’s say your bigger goal is to buy a house. Your actionable steps might be get your credit score up, talk to a mortgage professional about what you’d need to qualify, save up for a down payment, and talk to a realtor.

That’s a great place to start: smaller chunks, physical things, sorted in order of urgency. But it’s not enough. There’s a lot of grey area left there for inaction. I don’t know about you, but if there’s a loophole, my brain will find it. Quantifying what each of these steps looks like is the only way to tell you when you’ve hit the next step. That was something Angie was big on: It had to be measurable. She called it getting in the weeds.

You need to define each of those actionable steps. Sometimes those steps require micro steps of their own- but this is how you build your road map. A better example of the previous list is: Get your credit score up 80 points by talking to a credit specialist and following their advice. Research mortgage companies to decide who you’d like to use and make an appointment for a consult; take action on any steps they give you. Set aside $100 from each paycheck into a savings account until you reach $______. Talk to a realtor about what you’re looking for in a home and what kind of loan you are looking at with the downpayment you have saved.

Set yourself deadlines for each step:

This kind of feeds into being specific but I have time blindness on a monumental scale, so to me this is worth noting separately. If you are not explicit with deadlines you will say “someday” forever. Instead try “I’m going to make an appointment with the credit specialist tomorrow”. “I am going to have my credit score up 80 points in 6 months by following the list of steps they gave me”. Be realistic, but specific.
I work better under the pressure of a deadline and that deadline allows me to hover in the sweet spot of ‘baby steps’ meets ‘I can do anything under pressure’. That’s the ‘magnetic goals’ tension we want.

Create routines that support each step through habit stacking:

Routine is so HARD when you have ADHD. It’s boring, it’s not stimulating. There’s zero novelty in it and therefore no dopamine. If there’s no dopamine, there’s no productivity. I have struggled with this and the resulting dopamining my ENTIRE life. My need for structure combined with my utter inability to build lasting routines led for the longest time to deep feelings of anger and shame towards myself “what is so hard about this?”, “Why can’t I just do it?”, “What, am I stupid?”

Two books shattered my understanding of this. A combination of habit stacking behaviors and the compound effect gave me not only a better understanding of positive reinforcement in the brain, but also gave me the grace to allow myself to succeed a little at a time instead of feeling guilt that I couldn’t do it all at once. One percent better every day is momentous growth compared to no growth at all because you’ve paralyzed yourself with a lack of systems. I have both books listed in the resources below.

Surround yourself with supportive and like minded people:

This is crucial. We’re talking about creating environments of success, and the people you surround yourself with are central to that.

At least one person that is farther ahead in your goal than you are:

someone whose tail feathers you can grab onto to keep you engaged and retain that tension. Even better if you can get them to take you under their wing. If your goal is more niche- you might be limited to following them on social media but even better if you can find someone in your community. More or less, a mentor or close competition. If you’re really dedicated, find both.

An accountability buddy:

In some ways this sounds so silly, and it can be uncomfortable if you’re an introvert like me. Pick someone you’re comfortable being honest with, accountability doesn’t work if you’re sugar coating the truth. You want somebody that is supportive of your goal, will hold you accountable, but will also be encouraging when you mess up, otherwise the ‘accountability’ can be confidence undermining. If you don’t have someone like this in your life, this is where accountability coaching can be helpful because it teaches you to be better accountable to yourself.

A Supportive community:

you can only control your environment to a certain extent. You still have to go to work, you still have to interact with society, you can’t control what other people say or think. People are People, so you’re going to encounter negativity and disbelief. The bigger the goal, the more you’re going to get. One of the best things I learned from my time with World Wide Dream Builders is ‘the solution to pollution is dilution’.

The more positive, supportive people you have in your corner, the easier it is to dilute the negativity you can’t control and stay focused on your magnetic goals. This doesn’t mean tell everybody about your goal. In fact, it’s better if you don’t. Studies show that sharing goals too much or too early can trigger early dopamine reward, reducing your motivation to reach them. Pick a few select people to share with.

Resources for Magnetic Goals:

Angela Totman:

Angie has a 20 year career in financial education and entrepreneurship training. She is a speaker, writer, financial coach and systems and accountability expert. The co-author of Your Financial Mastery, a college level financial literacy curriculum. Angela is also a featured contributor in Think and Grow Rich for Women, written by international bestselling author, Sharon Lechter, in cooperation with the Napoleon Hill Foundation. She is the Founder of Hero Life Alliance and Vice President and COO at Pay your Family First. Angela has dedicated her career to empowering others through educational programs and practical application of tactical action steps to drive results.

Her accountability course really helped me break down some mental barriers and set the stage for future successes by understanding where I was shooting myself in the foot. She was the person that helped me understand the difference between ‘setting a goal’ and ‘creating Magnetic Goals’. She has one of the best Grit mentalities I’ve ever seen and the discipline to match it. And If you can’t tell- I trust her a lot. You can find more about her on LinkedIn, Facebook, or her website for the Hero Life Alliance.

Atomic Habits by James Clear:

one of two books that entirely shifted my understanding of how to build lasting habits and systems. This book is a wonderful read, though in some ways it was hard because there’s just so much truth in it. Atomic Habits taught me the principle of Habit Stacking that I referenced above. After reading it I felt like someone had been gatekeeping this information from me for my entire life. This is one of those books that made me question the education system and ‘why isn’t this taught in school?!’. I reread it regularly. If you want magnetic goals, this is where I’d start.

The Compound Effect Darren Hardy:

The other of two books that changed my perspective on creating habits and the power of consistency. There are so many useful apply-in-the-moment exercises, it really helped me put things into place and explained concepts in a way that made sense. You can purchase a copy of the book and find more tips and tricks on Darren Hardy’s Website.

Grit by Angela Duckworth:

This book is so fascinating, it was the first time I really reflected on my ability to believe in myself and trust my own word. This was when I stopped referring to myself as a quitter and started actively exercising my grit muscle, because it was the first time I’d ever heard it referred to as a muscle. Ms. Duckworth’s book was the first thing that ever described it in a way that made me understand that it was something I could cultivate even though I didn’t feel like I was born with it.

Goals by Zig Ziglar:

Zig Ziglar was a famous motivational speaker, and many of the mindset quotes you’ve probably seen me post on our Instagram are from him. He is the author of over 17 personal development and success books. You will find him referenced by a lot of other Grit Paragons in the modern world. While he passed in 2012 this book remains relevant and is a great source of positive input for your ‘dilution tank’. This book specifically covers some of the things I have found most useful in great detail.

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey:

This book is amazing because I am a hands on, learn-by-doing person and this book is actually a guided journal. It really helps with the practical application of elevating magnetic goals effectiveness.

The Power of Discipline by Daniel Walter:

I picked up this book because ‘discipline’ is something I have always struggled with, even with things I really want to do or complete, the mental toughness portion has always been a struggle for me. This book reframed some of my misconceptions regarding willpower and discipline.

Go for Stupid by Steve Sims:

I had the opportunity to hear him speak at The Refiners Conference in 2021 and I have been hooked on his content since. A self-labeled ‘Creative Disruptor’ I have never seen someone in his field convey information quite the way he does. He is also the Author of ‘Bluefishing, the Art of Making Things Happen’. This man has made a living for himself by setting ridiculous goals and achieving them. My favorite line of his is ‘how far can I take this?’

Go for Stupid covers how to ignore what others think and how not to shrink your goals in response to negative feedback and ‘gotcha’ culture. This book is PACKED with truth bombs and useful tips. He’s also a very useful person to follow on social media. It may sound a little backwards since I’m talking about creating tension by using small steps to create magnetic goals, but that requires you to have a big enough vision to excite you to action. This is the book for that. you can find more about Steve Sims on his website.

Don’t Get Overwhelmed

I know this was a ton of information, but I truly hope this can become a guide to setting magnetic goals that you can refer to later. Don’t let yourself become overwhelmed by the resources either. Pick one at a time. It definitely takes time too. Learning doesn’t happen overnight and its something that I will probably have to practice for the rest of my life, I feel like its worth it for how much of my life it affects, and how its changed my relationship with myself.

Like I said, I am by no means an expert. Far From it. But the resources I have listed above are all from people who ARE experts. I really encourage you to lean into their knowledge because its been life changing for me. Trust me, If I can do it, so can you.

Good luck!

-Mikaela

An Open conversation on Religion…

Good morning!

This is the kind of thing that I usually hesitate to post, because I do not want to make anybody uncomfortable by getting too political or too religious ever. We are fostering an open and welcoming place- so I typically try to steer clear of overly divisive topics. 

But I was flipping through old journals whilst looking for inspiration and the right words as I was writing my wedding vows and I came upon something I wrote awhile ago very early on in my own spiritual journey and I had to remind myself that the topic is only divisive if you make it divisive, and that part of the way to create an open and welcoming space where people CAN discuss things, and learn from each other, and decide WHAT they believe for themselves is by talking CALMLY to people who believe differently.  

That specifically, the reflection in question was full of questions I was asking myself and that I wished I could ask somebody else. It has always amused me, talking to the parents of friends or other people’s families who don’t allow their kids to learn about other religions because they are afraid their children will be “taken in” or “converted” and it never made sense to me growing up. How are our young people supposed to know what they believe in if they don’t know what they don’t believe in, or what other people believe. I always wanted to say “you must really not trust how you have raised and taught your children, or in their decision-making abilities if you think that learning about the rest of the world is going to change them that quickly. What are you afraid of them finding?” It always sounded to me like people were trying to teach their kids what to think instead of how to think. Which is a very different thing.  

However, I digress. As I was rereading this old reflection it reminded me that what Taylor and I are trying to do requires courage. You must be open, and self-exposing, welcoming, and willing to discuss difficult topics yourself first before you can ever hope to inspire somebody else to be willing to do the same. That this is the place for those intimidating conversations to happen. We want to normalize the inner thoughts and the questions that we all have.  

So, in what I truly hope is the first of many conversations, I have posted below my thoughts from a younger Mikaela who was just beginning to find herself after a rough period of growth and self-awareness. It’s okay if you don’t agree. I hope you ask questions. I hope these sparks thoughts and reflections of your own. I hope we can talk and teach and learn from each other. I hope if we do disagree- we can do so with grace. So, from a much younger me: 

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What is God? How does a person define it? Is God a single being, omnipotent and all-knowing? Is God wrathful? Or forgiving? Does God look as we do, or is he a fantastical looking ever shifting creature? Is God even Physical? 
What is God? How can mankind, as diverse and widespread of a species as we are, expect to successfully condense down the creation of the cosmos and all those creatures within her with our own limited vocabularies to one word: God? 
Is God a man? A miracle worker of flesh and blood walking among us? Or is God a concept, a set of morals and a type of humanity to strive for? Who then, is Jesus? A Prophet? Or the savior of my soul, my salvation and my redeemer? 
How is it that Mankind is always ready to commit such heinous atrocities against his neighbors in the name of their own God and beliefs- all while preaching love and redemption? How is it that we can overlook continued crimes “In the name of God”? Why are we as a people, so ready to commit crimes in an ongoing religious war while consoling ourselves with the misguided belief that all sins will be forgiven- and use that as a free pass to hurt others simply because “we’re all sinners”? 
What happens then, when our short time on Earth is done and we get to the end? What if you’re wrong? What if all sins aren’t forgiven? What will you do when you realize that in your long push for religious justification you forgot to love thy neighbor? What if you didn’t treat others as they treat you? What if he doesn’t forgive us our trespasses because we never forgave those who trespassed against us? What will we do when we realize the whole world has forgotten to turn the other cheek? Because no matter who your God is, or what form they take, at the end of the day- the balance will always be due.  
What if we’re all wrong? It wouldn’t be the first time. What if God, Jesus, Buddha, Abraham, Allah, Shiiva and all of the others throughout time are the same person? What if they are all different faces of the same being, here to teach us and send us the same message and somewhere along the way, something got lost in translation?  
We are all a point of light in the collective soul of the universe that is God. Call it blasphemous, but the father, the son, and the holy spirit are in all of us. Just as I am a part of you and you are a part of me. We all share a piece of God, no matter what name you choose to call him by. And I think he is testing us. 
Don’t fail. Don’t short-sell yourself that way. Stop trying to be right and focus instead on the real lessons behind all the religious messages. Love your neighbor, love yourself, be better than you were yesterday, leave the world a better place than you found it. Donate your time, not your money. Stop trying to teach people before you have learned. Practice what you preach. 
If people spent more time practicing instead of preaching, I think we’d all find we have much more in common than we care to admit, and the world would be a much holier place as a whole.  

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It’s been a long time since I originally wrote that in 2017 and there were a number of upheavals and hate crimes happening in the world at the time. But I think the bulk of this thought process still holds true for me. 

No matter your beliefs, or your stance on the matter, I hope we can discuss it with kindness, curiosity, and a genuine desire to understand and love others.  

All the best, Always.  

Mikaela 

Join RavenWerks guild Leaders Mikaela and Taylor talking about their favorite parts of Dungeons and Dragons and what they would or wouldn’t change about their early campaigns based on their experience as players.

[Taylor] Hey! If you’re just tuning  into our channel, I’m Taylor… 

[Mikaela] Mikaela.

[Taylor] This little nugget back here is Mini. 

[Mikaela] Um… and we just wanted to to turn  around and chime in. We know it’s been a while  since we launched our… um… intro videos and  it was like kind of a second way to try to connect  with you guys on our platform. For those of you  who don’t know, most of our business and our work  is on our website and our blog. You can find the  link in the description box below. Um… But we  wanted to turn around and take today- you know so  far we have focused more on our sustainability and  spirituality and being environmentally friendly  and that kind of stuff – but a big purpose behind  RavenWerks that we have kind of discussed in the  past is making those alternative hobbies and those  other interests you want to pursue in life and  learn about, more approachable, and removing  alot of the the stigmas from around them. And  one of our favorite topics in that area is…  um… Dungeons and Dragons. There are kind of  a lot of- i feel like- misconseptions about  what playing Dungeons and Dragons is. You know,  for the longest time, it was labeled as the nerd  geek pastime. And especially- it’s begining to  become more mainstream and more accepted but it’s  still… there’s a lot of fear and trepidation  around -you know- starting to try and play or  find people that have those common interests.  And especially starting playing as an adult,  without that backstory. And especially as a  female. So… um… we kind of just wanted to take  some time to reflect on our previous experiences  and have a bit of a conversation there. Sooo…

[Taylor] Sooo… we just have a couple questions  today to start with and we’ll cover more in the  future BUT to start, I guess… uh…  FIRST QUESTION… What is your fart… *DIES LAUGHING* Word salad… it happens… What is your favorite part of DnD as a  whole? *still struggling not to laugh* 

[Mikaela] As a whole (repeated). Ummm… For me -I think- favorite part  of DnD as a whole is the community.  Not just the playing and of itself  and um the other people that you connect with.  For instance, if you watch critical role or if  you are on some of the Facebook groups and that.  But like whoever you’re actually playing with,  it’s a good social interaction especially  if you’re an introvert because it’s usually  like a small group of people. You can relax, have  fun, get in character and kind of out of yourself  and have that adventure but have it with other  people…um… in really most of the time in a non  overwhelming setting. So for somebody like me  that’s… when I played my first campaign there  was like 6 of us that played. It was once  a week. That was our Sunday event. That was  basically the majority of our day and I came home  feeling relaxed, like I had had a healthy social  interaction but I also wasn’t drained from it.

[Taylor] Uh. I would actually agree. So I feel  like my favorite part from DnD as a whole is  very much the social aspect because it’s…  it’s a different outlet of social. Like there’s  one thing if I like to get dressed up and go out  and party or if I go to the movies with friends or  I interact with people at work or whatever. But…  ummm… DnD is a little bit more of like a- I  don’t want to say, uh, intimate setting- but  it’s like it’s your friends and it’s a different  outlet because you get to be artistic with them.  It’s… some of my friends are more long distance  too so I get to interact with them and video chat  and that and I don’t have another outlet for it  because they aren’t going to drive, you know,  6 hours once a week to hang out with me.

[Mikaela] Also I feel like it challenges  you to get to know you friends in a different way.

[Taylor] Yeah. You do definitely start to realize  things about them… because you get to be silly  about things and play with different scenarios  you wouldn’t come across in real life. So feel  like… yeah… social aspect for me for sure. 

[Mikaela] Ummm… so then what was your biggest  challenge in wanting to start playing and what  would you say to someone wanting to learn  to play that’s never touched it before? 

[Taylor] So I actually feel like for me it was  finding a group of people to start with. It was  kind of intimidating because I… I actually  wanted to play for years. I kept bringing  it up. Uh… You even bought me like little  miniatures and like a book and I still didn’t  start playing for a while. I think I had a set  of dice set aside for like 4 or 5 years because  it seems daunting when you look at it. There’s  a lot of different, like, processes for combat  and things like that…that once you know are  super easy but it takes having somebody maybe  walk you through it for a couple of sessions  for you to feel comfortable. And it’s also hard,  or it least it felt intimidating to me to find a  group to play with to initially start it because  I feel like you either think that everybody’s  already got an established group and you can’t  come into it and you can’t come into an  established campaign OR you think that if  you bring it up with your friends you are just  going to get weird looks. Maybe I just didn’t  have the right friends though. I don’t know.

[Mikaela] No. I- Honestly for me I would say  it was a two pronged thing. Number 1, yes.  Finding the right group of friends. Cuz I had  a very small social circle. Um. And at least for  me, my friends were the right kind of nerds. They  were all as geeky wierd as I was if not wierder.  Um. But some of their nerd wasn’t necessarily the  same kind of nerd.

[Taylor] Yeah. 

[Mikaela] Ummm… It was a little bit easier  for me to find a group because I actually  got invited. Thomas and I actually got invited to  play by his brother and his brother’s girlfriend.  So that was a good experience but I think for me,  I think having the right group of people is part  of it because it plays a part in your comfort  level of putting yourself outside of yourself.  Which for me was the hardest part because it’s  real easy to have your character and your timeline  and this awesome story adventure in your head and  it is sometimes a lot more uncomfortable to then  role play that in front of people because it  does feel goofy when you are first learning. 

[ Taylor] Yeah!

[Mikaela] You’re sitting at a table  making strange voices, whole equally asking does  this work? How does this work? Can I do this? If  you are playing with a more experienced player.  So for me the scariest thing was putting myself  outside myself in public. Um… but what  I think made all the difference was having  a big enough group to fun but a small enough group  to have it not be overwhelming and have them be  people that had played before that could teach me  what to do and had the patience for it. As far as  what I would say to somebody wanting to start, I  would just say don’t do what I did and hold back  for as long as I did because the second I into  it- not so much the mechanics, that takes time,  learning what dice to use with what thing and what  you have an action and a talking or a movement…  that part is going to take time- but I was gonna  say throw three sheets to the wind, get out of  your own head, and get into it. Because the more  you put into it as far as your character goes,  the more you are going to get out of it.

[Taylor] Well, and I would also say, um,  I just…. I want to say real quick that  we are coming at this right now for like  a player perspective… not so much like  a DM perspective. And I… I mean I am  writing my own campaign right now. I do have  ideas. I do want to be a DM but just haven’t- 

[Mikaela] Haven’t had the oportunity yet.

[Taylor] Yeah. I haven’t had the oportunity  yet. So like, we will touch on that  later as I get more experience there but,  um… As a player I agree 100%. Like I just  feel like I wish I could back and tell myself  a little bit just like put my big girl panties on  and…. or even just go to like a gaming bar and  just talk to some people because I almost  guarantee there are people… there’s a  hund-… I mean there’s tons of people out there  that would want to play, would welcome you in,  even if they are mid campaign.

[Mikaela] They are excited when  people ask questions.

[Taylor] Yeah. Yeah.  The people in the DnD community, for the most  part -Like there are some real hard asses out  there- But like, for the most part as very,  very accepting and they want to teach you,  they want to bring more people into it even if  it’s mid campaign or even if they do like a one  shot. They will find ways to work around that.

[Mikaela] You can be a guest character. 

[Taylor] Yeah. Yeah. So just go out.  Just do it. Just do it. Just do it. Okay so…um. Next question here.  Looking back at your first campaign,  what would you have changed about the experience?

[Mikaela] It kind of ties in with that last  one. I would, i would honestly say, get into  it farther, faster. As far as, as far as like,  I spent a lot of time out of character  asking, like, can I do this? Most of the time,  if you go and try and do something in character  that doesn’t work, your DM (Dungeon Master) is  going to tell you. So it would be really  hard to have that mental shift between  character and then breaking character to talk to  somebody. So I guess if I could change anything,  I would, I would approach it a little bit  more comfortably and open minded from the  get go and I would be hopefully less afraid to ask  questions because part of it- nobody likes to feel  you know dumb of stupid or like they are  not picking it up and I felt like I was  afraid to ask certain questions because  I felt like I had already asked it and  so I should have understood it at that point.

[Taylor] Sometimes it takes hearing it a couple  different ways for it to click. [Mikaela] Or watching somebody  else do it before you are like  “OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH… That’s how that works.” 

[Taylor] Mmmmhmmmm…

[Mikaela] But… But there really is,  like she said, so much acceptance in that  community that like, they really don’t care  if you ask a question repeatedly cuz they want  you to enjoy it. They want you to come back. They  want you to part of their group. Ummm… I really  honestly think that’s my biggest one. That like,  I was so afraid of being social with it for so  long, that like, I hesitated to go every single  week. And then when I was there I had fun.

[Taylor] Yeah. Okay. So for me, this is a… *sigh*… I think  there is three things. And I think I am going  to contradict myself, some of the things I have  said before, just a little bit. And I will explain  why. So, the first thing that I would say is,  ummm… really get into character.Like, do not be  afraid to get into character. I feel like my first  campaign, IIIIIII- and I, this is something I want  to work on a couple of others because I am now on  like 3rd campaign kind of situation- ummm… none  of my characters, I have really played with like  voices and things like that and I really wish I  had. It doesn’t have to be an accent, it could  just be like the way you change your tone… 

[Mikaela & Taylor] Your vocabulary…

[Taylor] I feel like I have really gotten  into character in the way my actions play out in  things like that but I really want to play more  with like ACTUALLY PORTRAYING IT. So like  when you here me speak as my character vs  when you hear me speak META, you can tell, because  again it’s a way to play with the different- it’s  just like… yeah. That would be the first thing.

[Mikaela] There are some words that one  character wouldn’t use or terminology  because they aren’t relevent to them. 

[Taylor] Exactly. The second thing  I really wish that I had done is….  I know I said just do go out and just, like, do  it. But like, also do be careful of who you do it  with. (Are we talking about DnD or safe sex???)

[Mikaela & Taylor] For a first campaign. 

[Taylor] Like, later it’s whatever, but my  first campaign I just have to bring up, we  all knew each other except for the DM. We had  a DM… Mini please stop (she was scratching  and shaking the whole couch). So we had a DM who  basically ghosted us maybe siiiii…. oh, maybe  a year into the campaign. He was long distance  (DMing online), we onlyu really knew him over  the video chat. And it was just such a bummer  because I felt that we, as newer players,  were just finally just starting to get really into  it and that, I just complete… I don’t know… 

[Mikaela] It kills momentum.

[Taylor] It was just such a let  down. We had to find a new DM, Start a whole new  campaign. And it’s one thing, sometimes campaigns  fall apart (especially really long ongoing  ones) but I guess, just, that was my first  campaign and that was such a bummer so I guess  at least know somebody in your first campaign or  know that they are serious about it. And that  was going to be my next thing (#3), is that,  maybe make sure you find people who are just as  invested as you. Like if you’ve got people who are  really just not into it, and they are not paying  attention and they are not really, don’t care at  all. Like they are there JUST for the talking, it  kind of puts a damper on you playing and learning  because if you are really invested and nobody  else is and you are the only one that really  wants to get into character and do things…

[Mikaela] That almost adds to the discomfort. 

[Taylor] It makes it harder for you to learn,  it makes it harder for you to get into it. It’s  just… so yeah… I feel like those are the  biggest things with my first campaign that I  really was just (nonverbal emphasis with  hands lol), I struggled to get into it,  the first one. So yeah. I think that’s it.

[Taylor & Mikaela] *A whole lot of yeahs* 

[Mikaela] Last Question. Describe  your perfect DnD setting or ambience. 

[Taylor] For me… I really like to get into it.  Like if you have got mood music for it, depending  on the situation. Like I have different play lists  set up for my campaign. I am very ready for this.  My current campaign is, that I am in is One Piece  based and we actually started as a bigger group-  which can also be challenging, So don’t go  too big. Like 9 people in combat is a lot-  ummm but we all kind of fallen into kind of a role  like what we bring. Like I tend to bring salty  snacks and somebody brings alcohol, and somebody  like candy and everybody is swapping stuff around.  So I really personally like having that. And  it’s not something we set up at all. It’s just  kind of roles we’ve… it just happened. It’s  just really nice because we’re all able to like  bring something to it. We like to like dim the  lights a little bit (I do in my campaigns at  least) sometimes. It depends on the mood.  It depends on the campaign and who you are  with too. So like part of that depends on  the situation. I also prefer if everybody  is around a table. It’s hard to do it in like a  living room setting or something like that just  because there’s no central area and I like to see  people and talk to them when I am in character.  I would say that that’s my biggest thing. I  tend to prefer mine a little bit more relaxed  um, vs, like really, rigid.

[Mikaela] Yeah. As far as like, rigidity goes,  I will say I prefer a little more relaxed beccause especially if it’s your first campaign. Not only  do you have to have some give and take with  your DM, and when people have like a… like  if your working with a DM that has absolutly no  flexability in what they will allow and are very  by the book- and for some people that’s great- I’m  not one of those people. So I like the flexability  aspect of it. As far as ambience goes, we always-  my friends are all kind of like I said, extra-  so we allways went extra. It was our Sunday thing  and the ambience of the room adds- if you are in a  well lit, blank walled room with a table…  yeah you can play if you’ve got your character  sheets and a good group of people that are  really invested. You could totally do it.  But especially if you’re nervous and are coming  into it, having the right ambience almost makes  it easier for somebody that’s shy to get out of  that box and get themselves into that character.  So like what Macey would do, we had our long  table, and the five of us would be around it  and she either when she was creating her own  world, drew her own maps or we had the minis,  and she built landscapes and we had all of our  character pieces and she would move them around  to give us distance examples. She at one point had  a little fog thing set up on the table. Someday… 

[Taylor] That’s sick.

[Mikaela] Someday… those  tables… Someday I will have one. I will build  one, I will whatever. That it’s inset and that you  can move your people and you can make the mist  set up and have the light and everything. But  in the meantime, she had music and she changed it  for whatever. She would sometimes have the actual  playlist set up because she actually knew what  timeline we were going to be on. But obviously  then your characters threw a wrench into that so  then if we ended up in a fight she switched it to  like if it was dungeon fight music or bar fight  music music or whatever. And we did, we rotated  who cooked because it was usually like a whole day  think which I thought was awesome. I would usually  bring like one or 2 snacks or baked goods. If we  were doing it at whoevers house was hosting it,  they provided dinner, whether that was ordering  food in or like- we all like to try different  recipes. So sometimes what we would do – and  this was super cool but super goofy I guess- was,  each person, when it was their week to cook, would  prepare a meal or food that would have been custom  and normal for their character and we shared it.

[Taylor] I like that. I like that idea. 

[Mikaela] We had drinks and they weren’t always  alcoholic but there were. And that way you didn’t  have to get up and feel rushed or leave or  if you were uncomfortable and needed a break  or a bathroom break, you had something to break  those moments. And it just made the whole thing  relaxed. She would sometimes, depending on where  we were, have a candle lit with a certain scent  that… it was like it added to the…

[Taylor] Scent therapy is a thing. 

[Mikaela] The whole thing was just very emersive.

[Taylor] Yeah. So I have to say that… ummm…  so we are actually… the One Piece campaign is  actually building one of those tables and I am  super stoked. I LURV the idea of the food for your  character thing. So, previous campaign, we would  rotate houses and who hosted and whoever hosted  was in charge of food but I never thought about  doing a character thing. That is a whole different  level. I really like that. I will say, the One  Piece campaign, we all, maybe some of us did get  a little more into this than others. I spent like  a year making a costume. But depending on my mood  and like how rushed I am to get to the campaign,  I still wear that. Like, pieces and parts. Not  all of it but sometimes pieces and parts. Because  for me it does help a little bit to fall into that  character. And there’s something else to consider  there too. When you write your backstory, you’ve  got this idea of who your character is. Don’t be  so attached to it that your character doesn’t  grow. Like my characters have become something  else sometimes. Sorry. That just popped into  my head. BUT… ummm yeah… I feel like…  PROPS… props are so huge. Not just for a  DM but for a character, because, like I said,  I haven’t DM’d yet, but I know when my DM has a  prop- like they’ve brought a picture of one of the  NPC’s or like they’ve built something and have it  in the middle of the table or they’ve done their  own map- like that visual for me is amazing. But  as a character, I have to tell you how excited the  other people at the table are if I thought ahead  of something my character would have. For example,  in my One Piece session, there’s something  called vivre cards in that world that I like  pre prepped and I been like, as I get to develope  relationships with other players characters, been  like, rolling for stealth to hide them in their  belongings, slipping it into their belongings in  real life, not explaining what they are, and then  in like a session or 2 they will find them and  be like, what the hell is this? And it’s, like an  extra layer of excitment. Or like if something is  happening and I whip something out (like my own  photo’s of my summons or transformations etc),  like everybody else’s excitent. So you aren’t-  the DM’s not only doing ambience, you are just  as responsible for adding that extra little bit  ambience or UMPF to all those other character too. 

[Mikaela] Yeah. So like if you know up partially  in costume, it give them a visual for you as  well other than… hey there’s a girl with cool  colored hair sitting in the chair accross from me. 

[Taylor] Exactly. So that’s what I was talking  about too with like finding a group that’s as  invested as you because if you that they want to  do that and they are into that kind of stuff too,  it’s going to be so much more fun for you.

[Mikaela] And it’s a good reflection of DM’s  time too. It’s really depressing to watch somebody  that’s spent all this time building a diorama or a  map on top off writing the actual campaign and the  frame work of your story and then you have a group  of people that just sit around the table and they  are like mike character is going to doooooo this.  And that’s just kind of, there is no give and  take, there’s no…. I don’t do the whole,  I am going to do this anymore… I just in  character say it and my party can either respond  or… sometimes if it is out of line or it doesn’t  work, then my DM will out of character by like….  so I love you but you can’t do that.

[Taylor] Well I will also say too though that  it takes a little bit to work up to that because  the first sessions… we’re probably, maybe,  I don’t know, like 30 sessions into this One  Piece campaign right now and we’re just finally  getting to the point where I feel like, like for  example, my character…. I knew my character,  but you have to KNOW your character. Like it  takes a little bit to get to the point where  you are ready enough to be like IN character that  much because you are learning the character as  much as they are. So like. don’t beat yourself  up if the first 2 or 3 sessions or more, like I  said it took a little while, we have a really  big group so it took a while to get everybody  really in character. But don’t beat yourself  up if right off the bat, you’re not like…  I don’t know what I am saying.

[Mikaela] Give yourself some grace.  It does take time.

[Taylor] It does. 

[Mikaela] And I will be interested in future  conversations- because you brought up a couple  of things make me want to start talking about  them now but obviously in the interest of time  we wont do that. But in future talks, to be able  to talk about character building and yourself  vs your character. Because that’s like a whole  different dichotomy thing. SO… if you guys found  this interesting and you really liked it, give  us a shout, let us know if you have specific DnD  questions or things you would like us to cover.  Obviously our video blog portion is not just  limited to DnD, But we figured this was a great  place to start because especially for women there  aren’t, I feel I don’t meet as many women playing  DnD. Most of my campaigns have been full of guys.  So like if you have questions, if you want to  reach out, if you are looking to connect with  people. Or if you certain things you would like  us to go over or cover in the future… Let us  know. Otherwise you can find the link to our blog  down below and just keep tuned. Keep coming back! 

[Taylor] Down below. *whispered* Also…

[Mikaela] You had to with the fingers. 

[Taylor] I had to, I had  to. Also, I just want to say  you will be seeing more videos on some of the  other topics but we are also going to have a  blog post kind of related to this on our website  here, later this week as well. So just keep an  eye openand we will be covering more topics  and we look forward to talking to you soon. 

[Mikaela] Yeah.

[Taylor] Bye!