Happy New Years! Already 2023 is gone and we are entering a whole new cycle around the sun. I’m not usually much of a ‘New Year’s Resolution Girl’ because I feel like I spend a lot of time throughout the year setting myself new markers, milestones, and magnetic goals as I hit previous ones. I don’t wait for the New Year anymore because I hear my dad in my head saying, ‘no time like the present’.
But it hasn’t always been like this for me. I was, and sometimes still am the person that struggles with hitting goals because I struggle to make and keep routines. However, I’ve spent a lot of time over the last few years figuring out what works for me.
We all know the pattern: January first sees an upswing in ‘New Year, New Me’, and by February more than half of us have fallen off the bandwagon. I even went through several years of ‘I’m not even going to set a Resolution because I know I won’t keep it’. In honor of New Years, I want to talk about setting goals. More specifically setting Magnetic Goals. With consistency and work, every day can be New Year’s.
None of this is anything I came up with. I am no expert or guru. I don’t have a degree in psychology or credentials to back it. But I do have my own experiences, several years of trial, error, and frustration figuring out what works for me. As well as lots of books, workshops, counseling, and classes to pull from. I’m hoping I can save you from some of the same frustrations so that you can learn to set Magnetic Goals yourself. At the bottom of this article, you will find a list of some of those resources.
The problem with Setting Goals…
One of my biggest obstacles with ADHD is feeling easily overwhelmed, which leads to executive dysfunction and decision paralysis…that can make it very hard to meet goals. As a result, I spent a lot of time referring to myself as “A quitter” or “An Idea Hopper”. If you speak that over yourself often enough- it can really undermine your confidence over time. It becomes its own self-fulfilling prophecy.
So how do we avoid this?
We leverage magnetism in our goal setting.
Think about how magnets work. Have you ever tried to force together opposing sides of a set of magnets? When the Polarity is off, nothing you do will make them stay together. They will resist the second you let go, pushing against themselves with tension in the opposing direction. Unknowingly, a lot of people do this to themselves with goal setting. They create goals in situations and with lifestyles that are polarizing and doomed to not mesh.
But if you flip those exact same magnets around, you get an attraction so strong it acts as a sort of glue, You almost can’t keep them apart. This is what we want: Positive Tension. Magnetic Goals. It’s one thing to say it however, and quite another to figure out how to apply it.
Creating a ‘Magnetic Goals’ Environment
Creating reachable goals is all about curating an environment that is designed to make it as hard as possible to fail. That doesn’t mean setting the bar so low that it’s a tripping hazard in hell; because that’s not a goal. But it means setting yourself up as much as possible for attainable success. Its about creating tension, especially if you’re an ADHD’r like me. That tension is going to keep you engaged, which is crucial to meeting goals.
A roadmap to Magnetic Goals
Actionable steps:
The first step to setting magnetic goals is to break up bigger goals into actionable steps. By actionable steps I mean physical things you can do. We’re not listing out all the passive things outside our sphere of influence or how the stars need to align for something to happen. I was first introduced to this concept in my freshman year of college, but it didn’t hit home until I took an accountability class that was actually taught by my cousin, Angela Totman.
This is the biggest step I find I can take to curate success. It prevents the big picture from seeming like too much or too far away, thereby causing that pesky paralysis. In a way, it goes without saying. But I’m going to say it anyways: baby steps. Take whatever your goal is and break it down into the smallest steps possible. For me, not only is it much easier to “take the next step” than it is to contemplate climbing Everest. But also, each tiny achievement reinforces the bigger goal. Over time, that will help rewrite the personal narrative you have told yourself about your success for who knows how long.
The Risk of Losing Magnetism
When magnets get too far apart, what happens? They stop pulling towards each other, their gravitational influence ends, tension is lost, and they collapse. Your goals are exactly the same. If your bigger goal is miles and miles away from your current capacity now- it will seem so grand that it becomes separate from yourself. Because I could never do that! As a result, you don’t even try. Why would you if you’ve already written yourself off?
But if your goal is just a little bit outside of your current capacity, you can stretch yourself that little bit. All of a sudden- that’s worth trying for. There’s tension when something is just out of reach. And then you just have to do it again and again and again.
Be specific.
Uber specific. Let’s say your bigger goal is to buy a house. Your actionable steps might be get your credit score up, talk to a mortgage professional about what you’d need to qualify, save up for a down payment, and talk to a realtor.
That’s a great place to start: smaller chunks, physical things, sorted in order of urgency. But it’s not enough. There’s a lot of grey area left there for inaction. I don’t know about you, but if there’s a loophole, my brain will find it. Quantifying what each of these steps looks like is the only way to tell you when you’ve hit the next step. That was something Angie was big on: It had to be measurable. She called it getting in the weeds.
You need to define each of those actionable steps. Sometimes those steps require micro steps of their own- but this is how you build your road map. A better example of the previous list is: Get your credit score up 80 points by talking to a credit specialist and following their advice. Research mortgage companies to decide who you’d like to use and make an appointment for a consult; take action on any steps they give you. Set aside $100 from each paycheck into a savings account until you reach $______. Talk to a realtor about what you’re looking for in a home and what kind of loan you are looking at with the downpayment you have saved.
Set yourself deadlines for each step:
This kind of feeds into being specific but I have time blindness on a monumental scale, so to me this is worth noting separately. If you are not explicit with deadlines you will say “someday” forever. Instead try “I’m going to make an appointment with the credit specialist tomorrow”. “I am going to have my credit score up 80 points in 6 months by following the list of steps they gave me”. Be realistic, but specific.
I work better under the pressure of a deadline and that deadline allows me to hover in the sweet spot of ‘baby steps’ meets ‘I can do anything under pressure’. That’s the ‘magnetic goals’ tension we want.
Create routines that support each step through habit stacking:
Routine is so HARD when you have ADHD. It’s boring, it’s not stimulating. There’s zero novelty in it and therefore no dopamine. If there’s no dopamine, there’s no productivity. I have struggled with this and the resulting dopamining my ENTIRE life. My need for structure combined with my utter inability to build lasting routines led for the longest time to deep feelings of anger and shame towards myself “what is so hard about this?”, “Why can’t I just do it?”, “What, am I stupid?”
Two books shattered my understanding of this. A combination of habit stacking behaviors and the compound effect gave me not only a better understanding of positive reinforcement in the brain, but also gave me the grace to allow myself to succeed a little at a time instead of feeling guilt that I couldn’t do it all at once. One percent better every day is momentous growth compared to no growth at all because you’ve paralyzed yourself with a lack of systems. I have both books listed in the resources below.
Surround yourself with supportive and like minded people:
This is crucial. We’re talking about creating environments of success, and the people you surround yourself with are central to that.
At least one person that is farther ahead in your goal than you are:
someone whose tail feathers you can grab onto to keep you engaged and retain that tension. Even better if you can get them to take you under their wing. If your goal is more niche- you might be limited to following them on social media but even better if you can find someone in your community. More or less, a mentor or close competition. If you’re really dedicated, find both.
An accountability buddy:
In some ways this sounds so silly, and it can be uncomfortable if you’re an introvert like me. Pick someone you’re comfortable being honest with, accountability doesn’t work if you’re sugar coating the truth. You want somebody that is supportive of your goal, will hold you accountable, but will also be encouraging when you mess up, otherwise the ‘accountability’ can be confidence undermining. If you don’t have someone like this in your life, this is where accountability coaching can be helpful because it teaches you to be better accountable to yourself.
A Supportive community:
you can only control your environment to a certain extent. You still have to go to work, you still have to interact with society, you can’t control what other people say or think. People are People, so you’re going to encounter negativity and disbelief. The bigger the goal, the more you’re going to get. One of the best things I learned from my time with World Wide Dream Builders is ‘the solution to pollution is dilution’.
The more positive, supportive people you have in your corner, the easier it is to dilute the negativity you can’t control and stay focused on your magnetic goals. This doesn’t mean tell everybody about your goal. In fact, it’s better if you don’t. Studies show that sharing goals too much or too early can trigger early dopamine reward, reducing your motivation to reach them. Pick a few select people to share with.
Resources for Magnetic Goals:
Angela Totman:
Angie has a 20 year career in financial education and entrepreneurship training. She is a speaker, writer, financial coach and systems and accountability expert. The co-author of Your Financial Mastery, a college level financial literacy curriculum. Angela is also a featured contributor in Think and Grow Rich for Women, written by international bestselling author, Sharon Lechter, in cooperation with the Napoleon Hill Foundation. She is the Founder of Hero Life Alliance and Vice President and COO at Pay your Family First. Angela has dedicated her career to empowering others through educational programs and practical application of tactical action steps to drive results.
Her accountability course really helped me break down some mental barriers and set the stage for future successes by understanding where I was shooting myself in the foot. She was the person that helped me understand the difference between ‘setting a goal’ and ‘creating Magnetic Goals’. She has one of the best Grit mentalities I’ve ever seen and the discipline to match it. And If you can’t tell- I trust her a lot. You can find more about her on LinkedIn, Facebook, or her website for the Hero Life Alliance.
Atomic Habits by James Clear:
one of two books that entirely shifted my understanding of how to build lasting habits and systems. This book is a wonderful read, though in some ways it was hard because there’s just so much truth in it. Atomic Habits taught me the principle of Habit Stacking that I referenced above. After reading it I felt like someone had been gatekeeping this information from me for my entire life. This is one of those books that made me question the education system and ‘why isn’t this taught in school?!’. I reread it regularly. If you want magnetic goals, this is where I’d start.
The Compound Effect Darren Hardy:
The other of two books that changed my perspective on creating habits and the power of consistency. There are so many useful apply-in-the-moment exercises, it really helped me put things into place and explained concepts in a way that made sense. You can purchase a copy of the book and find more tips and tricks on Darren Hardy’s Website.
Grit by Angela Duckworth:
This book is so fascinating, it was the first time I really reflected on my ability to believe in myself and trust my own word. This was when I stopped referring to myself as a quitter and started actively exercising my grit muscle, because it was the first time I’d ever heard it referred to as a muscle. Ms. Duckworth’s book was the first thing that ever described it in a way that made me understand that it was something I could cultivate even though I didn’t feel like I was born with it.
Goals by Zig Ziglar:
Zig Ziglar was a famous motivational speaker, and many of the mindset quotes you’ve probably seen me post on our Instagram are from him. He is the author of over 17 personal development and success books. You will find him referenced by a lot of other Grit Paragons in the modern world. While he passed in 2012 this book remains relevant and is a great source of positive input for your ‘dilution tank’. This book specifically covers some of the things I have found most useful in great detail.
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey:
This book is amazing because I am a hands on, learn-by-doing person and this book is actually a guided journal. It really helps with the practical application of elevating magnetic goals effectiveness.
The Power of Discipline by Daniel Walter:
I picked up this book because ‘discipline’ is something I have always struggled with, even with things I really want to do or complete, the mental toughness portion has always been a struggle for me. This book reframed some of my misconceptions regarding willpower and discipline.
Go for Stupid by Steve Sims:
I had the opportunity to hear him speak at The Refiners Conference in 2021 and I have been hooked on his content since. A self-labeled ‘Creative Disruptor’ I have never seen someone in his field convey information quite the way he does. He is also the Author of ‘Bluefishing, the Art of Making Things Happen’. This man has made a living for himself by setting ridiculous goals and achieving them. My favorite line of his is ‘how far can I take this?’
Go for Stupid covers how to ignore what others think and how not to shrink your goals in response to negative feedback and ‘gotcha’ culture. This book is PACKED with truth bombs and useful tips. He’s also a very useful person to follow on social media. It may sound a little backwards since I’m talking about creating tension by using small steps to create magnetic goals, but that requires you to have a big enough vision to excite you to action. This is the book for that. you can find more about Steve Sims on his website.
Don’t Get Overwhelmed
I know this was a ton of information, but I truly hope this can become a guide to setting magnetic goals that you can refer to later. Don’t let yourself become overwhelmed by the resources either. Pick one at a time. It definitely takes time too. Learning doesn’t happen overnight and its something that I will probably have to practice for the rest of my life, I feel like its worth it for how much of my life it affects, and how its changed my relationship with myself.
Like I said, I am by no means an expert. Far From it. But the resources I have listed above are all from people who ARE experts. I really encourage you to lean into their knowledge because its been life changing for me. Trust me, If I can do it, so can you.
Good luck!
-Mikaela