Happy Tarot Tuesday! Let’s talk today about another simple ‘spread’ for self-reflection. I say ‘spread’ loosely this time, as this is technically a single card pull. Despite being small, it’s great for getting to know your deck and heavy on the introspective aspect- which I will always love. For this spread we will again be using the Dreams of Gaia Deck by Ravynn Phelan- but you can use any deck. Today we’re going to be talking about the “Guide Spread”.
The Guide
There is only one card to define in this go around, because well, it’s a single card draw as we’ve said. This card is meant to guide you, help you reflect on something that is prevalent in your life at this time, and can be used to help you reflect on your actions preemptively. Sometimes a guide card may only be relevant for a day. Maybe you happen to pull a card relevant to something that is a larger or more ongoing issue. On a rare occasion a card may need to keep you company for longer than a day.
Performing the Guide Spread
My regular recommendations for tarot apply here: give yourself ample time to complete it and find a quiet space where you can relax and focus. Keep a journal or notebook handy, as well as your guidebook. Find appropriate lighting and light a candle or incense if that helps you relax, same with music/background noise. The point is to intentionally relax and be present in your reflection.
Shuffle. There is no right or wrong way, just shuffle. Stop when it feels right, or your hands get tired. Whatever comes first. Whether you cut your deck or not is up to you.
Before you delve into meanings and reflection, spend some time looking at the artwork, just examining the card. How does its artwork make you feel without immediately knowing what it means?
Review the meaning of the card and take into account if it is upright or reversed/blocked. Reflect on how this may affect your day, if there is something happening that this could help/ hinder with? I find this a good tool to reflect on whatever quality the card is addressing and assess whether I think this is a strength of mine or maybe a weakness I need to pay attention to as I go about my day.
Take your time with this part of the process, as sometimes there are the immediate reactions and the secondary ones after you’ve had a few minutes to think and consider. Don’t judge your reflection as positive or negative. You are simply examining the prompt as it is.
Closing the Reading:
Take a few minutes to write about your experience. This is where we want to be thinking about how this makes us feel. Note that I do not say “where we judge the reading”. That’s not the point, you can feel positively, or negatively, or inspired, or melancholy- whatever it may be; without judging the answer. One is a sensation, the other is a statement. Be careful with this.
Keeping a journal will give you something to look back on, a way to notice trends, and a second round of reflection that is slightly different. Some people (like myself) process differently when we’re writing and the act of moving your hands to reflect things helps anchor the process into linear thoughts when your brain might otherwise be a basket of ferrets on espresso.
The point is that this is between you and yourself. Which means that honest reflection is not only encouraged, but necessary- especially if you can get out of the habit of judging yourself and just letting yourself feel what you feel without commenting on it.
Now you’re ready to go about your day with a reflection excersize done and your mind prepared to be present and take the day as it comes!
We’d love to hear about your experiences with intentional living and I hope you give this a shot.
Let’s talk about controlling your emotions, or rather the importance of it. Not everybody’s favorite topic, I know. A lot of us, especially I have found in social circles I overlap with, really dislike the word ‘control’. It brings up a lot of negative connotations. Many of us are looking for liberation, flexibility, freedom of expression, or just freedom. And ‘control’ pretty much sounds like the opposite of that.
Usually, we are looking for something because we don’t have it. If you’re looking for freedom, you probably feel oppressed. If you’re looking for flexibility, it’s most likely because you feel stifled or contained. By that same notion, if you don’t have control of your emotions, its likely that they have control of you.
Not controlling your emotions is the birthing ground for anxiety, stress, depression, pessimism and a victim mindset. I frequently find that people in my life that have chronic problems with negative self-talk or a generally negative outlook on life are sitting in the day-to-day quagmire of being steam-rolled by their emotions. It’s like trying to keep your head above water when the water line keeps getting higher.
What I don’t mean
When I stress the importance of controlling emotions, I do not in any way mean to shut down, ignore, or distance yourself from your emotions. I can’t think of anything more detrimental to your health or success than that. Your emotions act as a thermometer and warning system for your body and mind. They tell us a lot about our current state of being. Warning systems are meant to be listened to. However, there is a vast difference between heeding a warning system and allowing it to decide the course of action by which solutions are found.
Think of controlling your emotions like running a ship
Let’s say you’re the Titanic (depressing analogy, I know, but bear with me). You have a transcriber (your nervous system) that is taking in data and messages all day and converting them to electrical impulses that are transmitted around the ship (body) and to other nearby vessels (our social circle). Those messages are a constant mix of good, bad, happy, sad, congratulations, observations, warnings, reviews, feedback, you name it (stimuli for want of a better word). It’s the transcriber’s job to sift through all that data, pass on what needs to be passed on, disregard what’s not important, and process everything so it gets to the right place. Your emotions serve as the messaging system in which that data is conveyed, each one like a little memo to a different part of the ship.
The transcriber shouldn’t be labeling messages as good or bad. You wouldn’t want a secretary changing the subject lines of your emails, would you? Nor would you want a secretary holding on to messages for an undue amount of time and delaying important information either. Not when the information conveyed could be the difference between changing course correctly or sinking in the middle of the Atlantic.
Not learning to control your emotions essentially hands over the keys to the bridge to the guy translating morse code in the closet. He’s great at processing vast amounts of correspondence and information but he knows not the first thing about nautical charts, crow’s nests, or steam engines. He can get you the warnings, but he doesn’t have the experience to decide what to do with them.
Not to bore you with the ship analogy, but that’s what the captain is for. I mean you. Your brain. You have the ability to take those warnings, apply context and previous experiences, and make decisions that are based on rational thought as much as they are influenced by your emotions.
What controlling your emotions means:
When I’m talking about controlling your emotions, I specifically mean not allowing them to make your choices for you. This still requires you to acknowledge them and feel them. Perhaps more so than the average person. You can’t control something you’re not paying attention to.
We’ve all heard that person say “yeah, i’m just in my feelings”, “I’m letting this get to me.”, “I know I shouldn’t stew on this, but I can’t help it.” This is what we want to work on: Feeling our feelings without letting those feelings control our day. That’s where eventually the mindset changes will occur and freedom will follow.
Feeling your Feelings
Remember when I said that I didn’t mean shutting down or distancing yourself from your emotions? Let’s go back to that. The key to controlling your emotions is in making room for them. You have to allow yourself time to process them and make peace with what’s happening in your life. If you do not address your feelings, they fester and begin to bleed through into other areas of your life. Your job is not to judge your feelings, comment on your feelings necessarily, or ascribe positives or negatives to your feelings. Your job is to sit with them in the moment and allow yourself to actually feel them before we ever touch on the matter of figuring out what they are trying to tell us.
The warmth in your chest that is love. The Icy dagger that is sometimes fear. A trip drum in your chest might be anxiety and the hot flush and shaking hands might be anger. Don’t try to rush your body through the process of physically feeling them.
Your challenge
In future talks we’ll go through practices for analyzing emotions and figuring out what our emotions are trying to tell us, as well as tools (like mindfulness and meditation) for how to make space in our day to day lives to reflect on those emotions and what may have influenced them. But for now, your challenge (should you choose to accept it) is to practice acknowledging your feelings on a day to day basis without judging them or analyzing them. and to allow yourself a few moments to really sit in them when they happen.
It doesn’t have to be a big to do or routine- I get it, we’re all busy. This might mean a mental “okay, I’m angry” when you feel it. But there should be no shame in the mental acknowledgment of “I’m angry”. Even more important is to acknowledge the positive ones: “This is Joy” as we often highlight the negatives in our life but don’t hold equal space for the positives. Take a second to pay attention to what that emotion physically feels like in your body. Then you can go about your day. But learning to identify what an emotion feels like is the first step to emotional clarity and control that we’ll be working toward in future talks.
We’d love to hear about your experiences! Remember, you don’t have to be perfect and you’re not going to get it right overnight or all at once.
Holy Crow, It’s November. With the start of Daylight savings time and the onset of the holidays- we are quickly approaching the close of yet another year. For a lot of people, this is a time of gratitude (as well as a time of stress. but let’s manifest the positives, shall we)? For me this is also a good time to start reflecting on myself and my year.
We’ve covered the history of tarot and its traditional applications. As well as gone over my personal beliefs on its uses. If you missed that post, you can find it here. I figured now would be a good time to go over one of my favorite (and to me one of the most useful) spreads.
Types of Tarot Decks and Spreads:
As we discussed previously, not all spreads can be used with all decks. Some decks are designed more towards the traditional fortune telling. A few that focus on a particular subject or aspect. Then there are those that are more Oracle based, or introspective; these are my favorite. However, at its core, this one can be used with most I have found (if not with a little bit of modification).
I originally found this spread as part of my favorite deck. That might be why I am more inclined to this one, but also, it prompts a lot of reflection and self-dialogue; which is what I am looking for. It’s very straightforward (or as straightforward as the concept of tarot can be) and very simple. This is not one of those spreads that involves 13 different cards in different positions, personally that’s not really my style, but we’ll build to that sort of stuff eventually, for educations’ sake. This spread only calls for 3 cards.
The cards:
The Aspect:
One of Earth By Ravynn Phelan
The first card, or the card on the left side of the triangle, is the Focus card. In this spread this is ‘the Aspect’ it represents a facet of yourself that needs to be addressed. This is the main source of reflection.
It could be in regards to a particular question or issue in your life, or it could be something that your attention is otherwise focused on. For good or ill, or just something that is; this card represents something that is prevalent in your life currently.
The Soul:
The Scribe by Ravynn Phelan
The second card, or the card on the right side of the triangle, is the Soul Card. This card represents a facet of yourself that is one of your strengths. You may still need to address something within this strength (especially if this card appears inverted or reversed in the spread). However, it is an aspect that you are completely capable of addressing.
This card often seeks to highlight a strength that I may have neglected, taken for granted, ignored, or failed to harness. It can be a tool to remind you of skills and knowledge to help you on your journey or address your current question or situation.
Let Two Become 1:
Queen of water by Ravynn Phelan
the final card, or Apex of the triangle, is the binding card. This serves to present you with a possible path or course of action that may allow you to marry the information set before you. It typically forces me to consider alternate solutions to whatever my current situation is.
This is the card that says, “this is your problem or obstacle, that is one of your best strengths, and here’s how you use that strength as a tool to solve your problem”. This is the card that helps you find wholeness and balance within whatever your quandary is.
Setting up:
Now that you know what each piece is for and represents, let’s go through the actual process. Make sure you set aside adequate time to really complete the reading. It’s not like in the movies where you shuffle a deck, flip a couple cards and have wisdom imparted from the beyond. This is a guide and a tool for meditation. Adequate time to reflect is really the whole point.
I prefer somewhere quiet, where I know I’m not going to be interrupted, or my attention and focus called away constantly. Honestly, I typically try and wait until I am home alone, just for my own piece of mind and my dislike of being perceived. But, realistically this isn’t easy or doable for many of us, and I get it. Still, find a quiet space. A chair with an end table will do. Cross-legged on your bed is fine if that works for you. Hell, a blanket on the floor works if that’s your vibe. The point is to find a spot that is comfortable and that you feel you can relax in.
I like dimmer lighting. Not for the hocus pocus fortune teller vibes, but because I find most artificial lighting to be really harsh and it hurts my eyes. I’ve switched most of the lights in our house to be flickering torch lights so the light is more diffuse which helps significantly. But again, not necessary. I just find it helps relax the muscles of my eyes, therebye allowing me to more easily relax as a whole.
I typically light a candle, or incense, or turn on an oil diffuser. Again, not technically necessary; but something I find to be hugely beneficial. Meditation is a multi-sensory process. Having a scent or oil within that experience that is different than the average smell of your space can help you focus in the moment, and if you build the habit using the same sent every time you can pretty much Pavlov yourself into that state of focus and relaxation more easily over time using that scent as a trigger.
You can play music if you want. I know a lot of people that use abstract music or ambient meditation tracks in the background. Personally, that has never helped me because I find it too distracting for myself. But I do see the value in it for other people.
Performing the Tarot Spread:
Get comfortable, spend a minute or two settling into a position that is easy to maintain. Let your body work through its fidgets. Spend a moment or two focusing on your question or current situation. Shuffle. There is no right or wrong way- you can’t over shuffle. I tell people to shuffle until it feels right, focusing on your question as you do so. It is up to you to decide if you’d like to cut your deck or just deal from the card on top.
An example of a union spread
Make sure you pull all three tarot cards the same way. That means if you are side turner- all three cards need to be turned to the side. If you are a top flipper, then you need to flip all three long ways as you deal. This is how you get accurate pulls. Otherwise, you may end up inverting a card that wasn’t meant to be inverted, or vice verse.
Your first card should be placed to the left side of your cloth, blanket, table, or space. The second card should go to the right. When you pull your third card this should go at the bottom, or inverted apex of the triangle closest to you.
Take a moment to just look at the cards, see what the artwork looks like, what it might mean, how it makes you feel. Make sure you have your guidebook handy; begin reading the meanings of each card, reflecting on its overall meaning as a card, but also in regards to its position in the spread. Each tarot card on its own has meaning, but the same card might inspire totally different thoughts in the ‘aspect’ vs the ‘soul’.
Once you have looked at and reviewed each card individually, take a few moments to reflect on their meaning together. Especially the ‘two become one’ card. Ask yourself follow up questions. Be honest with yourself during your evaluation. Nobody else is here to judge you, and the cards themselves are not a judgement. The only person that stands to gain anything is you. All the cards serve to do is present possibilities and prompts.
At this time I take a few minutes to just sit and meditate. Yes, I am still reflecting on the thoughts as a whole, but as opposed to reading the meanings, and reflecting on myself and actively thinking and examining the cards; this is when I close my eyes and simply sit, allowing myself a few moments to passively process everything.
Closing the Tarot Spread
My Tarot Journal
When I’m done, and feel calm and settled, I typically spend some time journaling about the experience and my thoughts. This functions both as another form of review, which sometimes prompts new thoughts. But also gives me a tool and something to refer back to if I ever want it, as well as a resource if I ever find myself in a similar situation. I also like to look at my entries at the end of the year as a way of reflecting on my personal growth and journey.
As a final note:
Don’t take yourself too seriously. Yes, there is a level of solemnity to Tarot, because you should always evaluate yourself with grace and compassion and there’s no point doing it if you’re not going to take it seriously. But, the universe isn’t going to strike you down for not having all the pomp and ceremony in the world or because your card pull wasn’t the smoothest most choreographed thing since Cher’s “Dark Lady”. You should be relaxed and calm. The ambiance tips I laid out are meant to help guide you to that space of relaxation. If it becomes something that is about the ambiance and not about the reflection, peace, and finding inner balance; then that defeats the purpose.
Have fun! If you’d like to know what Tarot deck this spread came with is Ravynn Phelan’s Dreams of Gaia. You can find more about her, her art, and her other works here. We’d love to hear about your own journey!
It feels like every single year goes a little bit faster. The blinks get closer together. I blinked and it was spring. I blinked and it was midsummer. Another and now not only is it fall, but October is essentially over and Samhain is here. The holidays are approaching at a rate that would alarm even an Olympic sprinter. This year went faster than most of them because I feel like this year for me, has been packed with more monumental or life-altering changes & milestones than many of the recent years combined.
Taylor and I at my bridal shower
one of my favorite engagement pictures
Kitchen Hobbit
hiking adventures with Thomas
My Wedding with Thomas.
Thomas and I on our Honeymoon at Rainier
That sense of time speeding by in pockets might make me feel melancholy, but at the same time, this is the gateway to my favorite time of year. The shifting of seasons is always an interesting time, but autumn makes me feel such a specific way that it stands out in my memory every year. It’s something I try to savor.
I’ve tried to describe to several people over the years- and I don’t know if I’ll ever do it in a way that truly conveys the sense of wonder that I feel. Even spending most of my life in Phoenix, Arizona, a place that we jokes has 2 seasons: hot and dry cold; no snow, no changing colors and falling leaves, no spring bulbs. Just prickly trees, greens that still look brown, and pollen such a violent shade of yellow that you know its going to make you sneeze.
Don’t Blink
No matter where I have been in the country, October somehow brings this one specific day. You wake up and the air smells different. It doesn’t matter that 2 days before it was still 92 degrees outside, or the summer flowers were still in full bloom here in Washington. All of a sudden it’s crisp, the air somehow looks cleaner and less dusty; it’s not as heavy. Colors seem brighter, and sunshine looks less oppressive, more blue. All of a sudden there are more people outside in the park; telling you that even if it sounds goofy in a way, other people feel it too. We’re all somehow still running on the same primordial clock. That was always the morning that I knew Summer had said goodbye for the year.
Here in Washington, it’s a much easier thing to describe, because it’s such a visual change- and I treasure it even more. There are big crunchy orange and red leaves on the ground. I wake up to crows between the sleepy trees along the trail outside my apartment. The sunlight is extra sparkly on the mornings it’s out between the growing days of grey clouds and rain. All of a sudden, it smells like mulch and harvest. Its much different than Phoenix, but no less specific of a feeling.
A local farm we like to visit in the fall
There’s this anticipation in the air. The long hot days are over, and we’re entering a season of rest and closing. Of quiet evenings in warm homes, and soon of louder nights filled with laughter, family, and glittering lights. This is my favorite time of year. It’s the quiet deep breathe before I get to fill my cup with chaos, joy, family, and connection. I get to take quiet time for myself to rest before the big outpouring of myself over the holidays.
Tomorrow is Samhain again already. Given my current contemplative mood, I thought today would be a good day to discuss the history of Samhain and share some easy ways to celebrate at home- if you so choose.
A Festival of Fire:
Not be confused with Halloween, Samhain (pronounced sow-win) was originally a pagan festival celebrated by the Celts. Samhain was the most significant and largest of the Great Feast days and the most important of the four Fire Festivals; traditionally the only day of the year that the Hearth fire was allowed to go out while the final harvest was collected, before being relit as part of the communities celebration after being blessed by the Druids. It was a sacred time. Certain accounts even mention death sentences for people who violated rules or committed violent crimes during this time. Prayers were said, blessings given, cattle were sacrificed, and community bonfires were used to sanctify the Hearth’s for the upcoming year.
A Festival of Souls
Originally it was celebrated as the day that the veil between the physical world and the spirit world was at its thinnest, allowing more interaction with the beings of the otherworld. (Samhain – Celtic Origins, Rituals & Halloween | HISTORY)
Offerings were left outside of doors, villages, and fields for the Sidhe, to protect them and earn goodwill from anything crossing the barrier between worlds. People often wore animal or monster costumes so the fairies would not kidnap them.
During the middle ages, carvings on turnips and pumpkins were used to ward of fairies and other wicked beings. It was during this time that the “Dumb Supper” became a tradition. During which spirits were invited to dine with the family as a way to interact with ancestors and other deceased friends and relatives.
Christian Involvement in Samhain:
Over time, and through the rise of the Christian Church, Samhain traditions became intermingled with other Christian practices. First adapting to “All Saints and Martyrs” in the 5th Century, and then as “All Hallows Eve”, “All Saints Day”, and “All Souls Day” in the 9th century by Pope Gregory. Eventually, many of Samhain’s practices and traditions became synonymous with the modern celebration of Halloween.
“The Farther we’ve gotten from the magic and mystery of our past; the more we’ve come to need Halloween”
Paula Guran
That doesn’t mean that the original spirit of the festival isn’t still there. The growing season is over, the harvest is complete, the long nights are approaching. Now is a good time to reflect on what you have accomplished this year, and settle in for a rest, while blessing and protecting your home for the upcoming dark season.
Celebrating Samhain at home:
Just because most towns are no longer holding massive feasts and community bonfires- does not mean that you cannot acknowledge the significance of this time in the natural world. Samhain is not about devil worship, black magic, or the macabre and grotesque. It’s about harvest and celebrating the role that each season plays. It’s a time to honor those that are gone, with maybe just a smidge of the magical and mystical peaking through the thinning veil for those of us that are superstitious. Below are my favorite ways to have intentionality in savoring this time.
Mikaela on a walk to look at leaves changing
Take a nature walk: you’ve probably seen me say this in any ‘celebratory’ holiday post. That’s because many of these holidays center around the changing of the seasons, and one of the best ways to experience that and appreciate it is to get out in it. See it, touch it, taste it, smell it. It was particularly easy for me this year, being in a new space with vibrant colors and so much to soak up. Make sure you aren’t glued to your phone while you’re out. Look at the leaves, or the clouds, or whatever it may be. Smell the crispness in the air. Let the wind sit on your face and focus on what right now feels like.
Set up or refresh your altar: Yes there are the stereotypical symbols or Halloween, but so much more can go into the sacred space this season. Symbols have power. Skulls, ghosts, I tend to decorate with my favorite leaves that I’ve picked up on the aforementioned nature walk. allspice berries, broom, catnip, mountain ash berries, mugwort, mullein, oak leaves, acorns, rosemary, sage, pine cones, and straw are also good symbols. Taylor tends to merge this a little bit with her appreciation of Dia De Los Muertos. She always puts up pictures of people we loved and lost, with a special focus on any recently significant losses. We light candles for each loved one and spend time talking about them together, honoring their part in our lives.
Host a Dumb Supper for yourself and your family: This meal is traditionally mostly silent, thus the name. Leave an empty place at your table to honor the deceased. Focus your meal on products of the harvest: dark grain breads, the darkest of summers berries, root vegetables, game meats, cider or wine. On this day the table is a sacred space. Before sitting down to eat, gather everyone for a prayer:
“Tonight we celebrate Samhain. It is the end of the harvest, the last days of summer, and the cold nights wait on the other side for us. The bounty of our labor, the abundance of the harvest, and the success of the hunt all lie before us. We thank the earth for all it has given us this season, and yet we look forward to winter, a time of sacred darkness.”
Visit a cemetery: I know- this is where I lose some of you, or you think I’m going to tell you to perform seances in disrespectful places. Not so. But this is a time of honoring the dead. Now is a good time to visit graves of loved ones. If I was home, this would be the time I would go to my grandfather’s and grandmother’s memorial; or stop to chat with my Uncle Alois. Its another way to feel close to them and honor their memory. To let them know that I’m still thinking about them. Since I can’t be home this year I instead visited a local cemetery. There are two where I live, and the old historic one is no longer active and doesn’t get a lot of visitors. I spent some time walking rows and reading names, I can’t help but wonder who they were and what they were like. I like to lay flowers at some of the ones that catch my eye or feel right. I like to think that this way, they aren’t forgotten.
Reflect: look back on your season of growing. Review Journals, planners, photographs, evidences of your growths this year. Look back on whatever goals you set yourself and assess how you faired. Meditate. When you are done introspecting- write down your thoughts and feelings about your experience.
Mikaela Spending some time reflecting at Mount Rainier
Clean and reset your hearth space: homes have certainly changed since everyone had a functional hearth. The concept remains the same. The hearth was the center of the home. A place of nourishment, gathering, and safety. The touchstone that grounded most families. When I did have a fireplace, this was the time I would deep clean it and pull it apart in preparation for winter use. If you don’t have a fireplace, it is still a good time to deep clean your kitchen. Spend some time caring for the space that nourishes you. On a practical note: you’ll thank me when the holidays roll around.
Bonfires: Samhain was the greatest of the fire festivals. Go outside, light a fire- a firepit will do if a bonfire isn’t an option. Let the smell of woodsmoke seep into your skin and relax you. Let the heat from the fire keep away the growing snap in the air. Spend time welcoming the chillier evenings and long nights. This is a good time to meditate.
Taylor at a Pumpkin Patch last Samhain
Connect with your community: This might feel harder in the anti-social, demanding, fast-paced world we currently live in. But in times past, Samhain was an important time to connect with your community because everyone relied on everyone during the long winter months. Now is a good time to check in on friends and relatives and make sure they’re okay. Find a local organization to help- lots of communities will look for volunteers at this time of year to help with food and shelter for the homeless, or under privileged. There is a need for community now more than ever. Get out of your house- go to a fall festival or a pumpkin patch. Make new connections and friends in your community.
However you choose to celebrate, make sure you do so with intentionality. Focus on the feeling in your heart as this season closes. Take time to rest, recharge and prepare before the glitter and sparkle of the holidays suck us in for another grand finale. Take a minute to make sure your eyes are wide open before you blink and its spring again.
When black cats howl and pumpkins gleam, may luck be yours on Halloween.
I hope you know it is with 100% sincerity that I say we are so sorry that we have not been as active recently on our social media accounts or our blog. It’s not that we have not been thinking about it, RavenWerks is forever on our mind. Honestly, more so than ever lately.
But the truth of it is we have been getting sucker punched by the universe one after another lately and have been reminding ourselves to give each other grace. Between losses in the family, the move, the new job, the final stages of wedding planning, then the wedding (yay!), and an exploded water heater that has since turned into a mold-meets-asbestos demolition zone; we have just been taking everything one day at a time and reminding each other constantly to take the day as it comes. That sometimes just getting through the day IS the win. Not a win, or part of the win but the whole and only win.
Which brings me, weirdly, to my topic for the day. I don’t mean to come at you from left field, because I feel like its not my usual sort of topic. It’s something that has been coming up a lot lately for me. With everything going on in my world I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting on life, and the cycles it offers us.
Life Has Seasons
Only so much can happen in a brief period of time before you must stop and ask yourself “What is the universe trying to tell me? What is this season of my life trying to teach me?” Sometimes, in seasons like this, I have to think about it for a while and search for the answer. Other times, someone might as well have screamed it in my ear. I feel like this has been one of those times.
So, in case you are experiencing a season like me, I thought I’d share. Because I’m beginning to get the feeling that this is what she wants me to do.
Your Purpose in life is too LIVE. You are a human being, not a human doing. Sometimes you need to just ‘be’. You do not have to have a greater purpose or calling to make your life worth living.
Discover the Freeing Power of Giving Yourself Grace to be Human
Sometimes, you just have to be happy that you made it through the day. I know that sounds backwards from the woman trying to build a huge multi-level all-inclusive safe-space, creative center, and nerd zone. I feel like I have a purpose. And I am passionate. About a lot of things.
Photo Credit: Emma with Let’s Go Sig. Taken at Olympic National Park
BUT what I learned this season is that it’s hard to convey passion about things you ARE passionate about when you are over-extended, burnt out, and drained. You end up feeling mad and disappointed in yourself because you don’t feel like you did something justice or gave it the room or attention it deserved. That to grow healthy roots for a tree we mean to nurture for a long time; sometimes you need to take a step back and nourish yourself so you can grow correctly. Even trees go dormant in the winter. Grow when you are able. grow in your spring. Listen to your body and acknowledge that life has seasons.
I have learned that sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is give yourself grace and move forward when the time is right to do so. I’m not saying don’t work for things or don’t try to work through things. Heaven’s no. growth happens in the area just outside your comfort zone and I want you to be all that you can be with reckless abandon. But it’s okay to do what you can and give yourself grace with the rest.
A “Higher Calling isn’t Required
Finding your “purpose” or having a passion is great. It’s an amazing feeling to feel like you have “found your calling”. But you were not put on this earth to have a ‘purpose’. Your life is not a waste or somehow worth less if it takes you longer to find it. Some people never find it. Or when they find it, it’s not what they thought it would be. You don’t have to save the world, cure cancer, or even get a degree.
Taylor taking a moment to process life and ground herself following a really rough day.
Those things are noteworthy and amazing. But dial your DNA back a bit and look at humanity as whole. Just a few short centuries ago. Your purpose is to survive. Your purpose is to wake up , look at the sky, fill your lungs with air, smell flowers, feel the earth, eat food, and survive. You are not a machine. You are not a worker bee. You are not a cog in a clock or a gear in an engine. You are a living, breathing, human being. And that is magic enough.
So, if you are in one of those seasons where you are treading water, and just trying to keep your head above water: that is okay. Take deep breaths and remember that floating sometimes saves a lot of energy. I know that it can be hard in the fast paced, achievement based society we live in. Consider starting yourself the practice of “Mindfulness Minutes” first thing in the morning before the chaos of the day begins, or maybe right before bed if you’re a night owl. If you haven’t heard me talk about mindfulness and medititation, that’s okay! You can check out my intro post on the topic of mindfulness and medidation. Its got some resources for anybody looking to start.
Taylor and Mikaela at the Broken Wand
It is okay to say, “maybe not today, because I am tired, or I just can’t yet; but there is always tomorrow, and I will try again tomorrow.” It is okay to ground yourself with the reminder that “I am just one person.” If you haven’t taken time yet today to go outside and breathe, go do it. Take some time, take deep slow breaths. And remember that Existing is enough.
Another Everyday Kitchen Witch or Herbalist Essential. Mugwort or Biboz is a common name for several flowering plants in the Artemisia Genus. In Europe it is most commonly Artemisia Vulgaris or common Mugwort. There is also Artemisia Argyi or Chinese Mugwort used in traditional Chinese Medicine. Artemisia Princeps is also known as ssuk in Korea or Yomogi in Japan. There are several varieties with similar uses, and all are known for their aromatic flowers. There are in total over 500 varieties that all fall within the Daisy family. They are also amazing attractors of bees and butterflies and many other pollinators.
It is a very prolific plant; native to Europe, Asia, and parts of Africa, though it now grows all over the world. Some unknowing people even treat it as a weed! Other common names include common wormwood, wild wormwood, felon herb, chrysanthemum weed, St. John’s plant, & sailor’s tobacco. Some of these names however, are misnomers as wormwood is a ‘cousin’ of Mugwort but in truth a different plant (artemisia absinthinium).
In my personal opinion, Mugwort is one of those wonderful few plants gifted to us by the universe; for she is easy to grow and her uses are many. This is probably the primary reason that despite many advances in modern medicine Mugwort is still used today very similarly to how it was in the iron age.
From a Medicinal standpoint, Mugwort taken orally can help with digestive problems, irregular menstruation, and high blood pressure. It’s also promoted as a mild sedative. Topically it has been used as an antimicrobial preservative and to calm itching and inflammation. Mixed with Menthol it can also provide relief from itching associated with hypertrophic scars from severe burns (I can attest to this myself. I have a burn scar from a third degree burn that dries out faster than the rest of my skin, burns more easily, and itches constantly. Menthol Mugwort Balm is my friend). Additionally it has anti-coagulant and disinfectant properties that make it very versatile and valuable to the home apothecary. It can be smoked, ingested, or applied topically depending on the need.
Mugwort has a nerve calming effect that is sometimes used by people trying to quit nicotine. They will temporarily smoke hand rolled cigarettes of herbal blends that include Mugwort to help with withdrawals and cravings. In fact, at one point it was used as a substitute for expensive tobacco (giving rise to the nickname ‘sailors tobacco’).
Precautions
Unlike many herbs, which can be taken at any time, Mugwort should not be taken at any point when pregnant as it can cause menstruation and uterine contractions.
Plants from the Genus Artemisia contain liver toxins that may build up if used in excess. If you use Mugwort regularly, make sure to take breaks of at least a week. For this reason Mugwort should never been given to children or pets.
NEVER ingest essential oils- this goes double for oils containing Thujone. A single overdose can cause permanent Liver and Kidney Damage. Ingesting the plant is fine- essential oils are NOT the same thing if you are buying a scent profile.
While I don’t know if it’s possible to have a ‘bad trip’ from Mugwort- those opposed to any mind altering substances should probably steer clear.
Mugwort in History
Use of Mugwort date back to the Iron Age when it got its beginnings as a preservative for beer, it also doubled as the crucial bitter note we now use hops for, as well as a culinary herb used to season fish and game dishes. Her culinary uses have been overshadowed however by her cousin wormwood- the psychoactive ingredient in absinthe. One popular theory is that Mugwort’s original association to beer brewing was where the ‘mug’ part of ‘Mugwort’ came from; though a more realistic origin for the name comes from the Old Norse word ‘muggi’ meaning Marsh. It was at one time associated with St. John the Baptiste and people wore Mugwort Wreathes to repel evil spirits.
Mugwort is high in the chemical thujone, which is a mild intoxicant, and the reason that for a long time Mugwort had a bad reputation for many of its medicinal purposes. However, you’d have to ingest a decent amount of it to really experience any ‘mind altering’ symptoms and the benefits of it far outweigh the side effects. If you’re looking to get intoxicated- it would be easier to drink alcohol than to use Mugwort. It should be mentioned though that Thujone can be absorbed transdermally, so if you’re sensitive to the chemical I would suggest wearing gloves when you handle the plant to minimize your exposure. Mugwort is not a hallucinogen, but its psychoactive properties are real and measurable all the same. It’s more akin to a sedative or relaxant than anything that is going to make you ‘see things’.
Mugwort and Magic
Mugwort has strong Lunar ties and is heavily associated with Artemis. In the pagan tradition it is heavily associated with the Earth Element. The Genus Artemisia as a whole is named after the Greek goddess of the moon.
From a Magical application point, Mugwort is used as both a protective herb as well as a psychically amplifying herb. Mugwort is said to amplify and stimulate lucid dreaming and visualization. Mugwort teas are commonly used in accompaniment to meditation, and divination as they can relax the mind and open the inner eye (I am resisting the urge to say “Use your inner eye to see the future” in a dramatic professor Trelawney like way). Those same psychoactive effects that give it a bad stigma are great for inducing meditative states and are even stronger during sleep.
It can be sewn into sleep sachets to produce clearer dreams if you are someone who struggles to remember them later.
You can also burn Mugwort with coals as a divinatory incense. Or, if you like to meditate outside, I will sometimes add it to my fires for the bonus side effect that it repels insects.
Its also a strong protective plant- traditionally people hung bunches of it by their doors to keep evil away. My favorite smudge is Mugwort (I will be using it to bless our new house before we move this month). Some people will work Mugwort into charms and protective sachets.
Where to Procure
You can get Mugwort online, or from many occult shops. Some specialty grocery stores still sell it as a cooking herb. Due to its hardy nature, if you prefer to forage you can find Mugwort growing wild in many parts of Europe and North America- just be careful to get a positive ID. Mugwort looks a LOT like Ragweed; which is not only more or less useless; but if you’re allergic to it like me (and a lot of people are) it’ll make you itch like hell.
If you are a Seattle native I am partial to Tenzing Momo; they are located in Pike’s Place and you can shop in store, but he’s also a fast shipper. Or if you’re in the Skagit Valley I would highly recommend Good Vibes- He has a small selection of loose herbs you can purchase in addition to an amazing selection of other things.
Growing
If you decide to take up growing your own (which I will almost always suggest). It is easier to grow from a seedling than to sprout your own. I would say either head to a local nursery or see if someone will give you a cutting as they are very easy to re-root.
While Mugwort prefers full sun and well draining Rocky soil (it started off as a ditch weed). Its relatively well adaptable and very drought tolerant. For those that live in wetter climates, you can still grow it, but you will want VERY well-draining soil to avoid root rot.
Personally I would suggest either growing in containers or ensuring you plant it with a root barrier if you are planting in-ground to ensure it doesn’t take over your yard (I did say it was prolific). The bonus to this plant is if you’re someone like me: Its hard to kill. The downside: Its hard to kill.
It’s a perennial- so if its protected through frosts, it will come back year after year. Bear in mind it will require regular trimmings as it can get up to 6 feet in height when left unattended.
Containers are great if you want to keep a small plant and trim regularly. Ground planting is better if you want a larger amount. It also makes a great plant to weave into natural borders, fences and trellises as a backdrop for other plants due to its woody stems. It has a soft sage-like fragrance and beautiful flowers.
You should check before planting though, as its unfortunately classified as an invasive and noxious weed in a few states.
What are your experiences with Mugwort? We’d love to hear how you use it- or any questions you may have!
I’m not going to lie, writing this post has been harder than I thought it would, considering how much I love Beltane. With the symbolism, history, flowers, and fresh feeling in the air, it’s typically a wonderful time for me.
Whilst I have still enjoyed those things, there has been a bit of melancholy with it this year. Taylor and I lost our maternal grandmother this past week on her birthday, and every time I went to write anything at all I felt as if nothing good would come of it, So I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
Instead, I have spent the last several days going on walks, working on crafts, and sitting in sunny patches at parks trying to remind myself that I do still love the Universe and there’s good things in it. Which is, ironically, in a weird twist of fate, something I try to do at Beltane anyways. Albeit for a different reason. It just seemed fitting though. I needed to be outside, and my grandma loved flowers.
In another coincidence, our Paternal Grandmother’s Birthday is actually on Beltane, so this was usually a time the I already spent reflecting somewhat on loved ones I missed, the ache just a little less raw with time.
The more I reflected on the last few days, the more I felt better about Beltane this year. We even finally got some sunshine this weekend, it was the first truly clear sky and warm day I think we’ve had in months. And that is something I think they both would have appreciated. So, I decided to dedicate Beltane this year to my grandmas.
To Esther and Norma; the nurturing and wonderful women that they were.
Beltane is an old Holiday, dating back to pre-Christian era Ireland and Scotland. Our earliest records of Beltane date back to 908 AD, which suggest even then that the holiday was an old and significant one. Like many people of the time, Ireland and Scotland divided the year into two parts: Winter and Summer. Winter began at Samhain (Nov 1) and Summer began at Beltane (May 1).
This was a time the veil between our realm and the faerie realm was thinner. On May Eve, both witches and fae would run loose and extra precautions had to be taken against their enchantments. It was a time to bless homes, light bonfires, dance around maypoles, feast, and invoke ancient practices that promote fertility.
The word Beltane originates from the Celtic word for Baal or bel, meaning ‘Bright One’ also known as Firefall, Calan Mai or May Day. Beltane had a heavy focus on sexuality and fertility. Children conceived during Beltane (and hence born at Imbolc) were believed to belong to the Goddess and were often referred to as ‘merry-be-gots’. These Children supposedly have a closer connection to the faerie realm and were believed to be able to see things that others could not. Whilst the veil was thinner between worlds on Beltane, it was a common superstition that the spirits of Beltane were thought to be looking for reincarnation or sexual intercourse and you may not truly know if who you met in the woods that day was who you truly thought it was.
My favorite ways to celebrate Beltane include:
1. Refreshing your Altar
For Beltane, think flowers and greenery, especially yellow flowers. Floral Candles, or candles in yellows and pinks are good additions. Good colors to incorporate are Reds, Greens, Yellows and golds especially. set and refresh your alter with specific intentions. If you are looking for stones to incorporate- turn to bloodstone, emerald, orange carnelian, and Rose Quartz. common symbols are goats, rabbits, baskets, bees, and cows.
2. Host a bonfire
This can be done solo in your own home or hearth if you are an introvert, but it was traditionally a major feast day that was about bounty and harvest and planting. I would encourage you to get a group of friends or family together and enjoy your evening bonfire, maybe roast some marshmallows. If you want to go the whole nine traditional yards, you can try leaping over the embers once they have burned down (I would of course suggest this with the greatest of caution, and don’t do anything stupid or dangerous).
3. Go flower picking, arrange bouquets, make flower crowns
Fill your home with spring blooms and greenery, and make sure to give thanks to mother nature for her beauty.
4. Have a Maypole Celebration
Some towns still host these, if not- be the person to bring them back. This was traditionally done as part of the community feast, dancing and playing music. It’s a fun past time and great for building community.
5. Perform a meditative Ritual
At Beltane this typically focuses on the female energy (this does not exclude you menfolk). Light a candle and sit quietly with your eyes closed. let the light fill you up and focus during your meditation on those more feminine aspects of yourself; Your gentler, more nurturing side. your instinct to grow and care for others. your sometimes wrathful side. What of those aspects help you in your day to day? Which parts of that bring you strength during your day? Which parts would you like to maybe work on or strengthen? Spend a few minutes writing down your affirmations for the upcoming season. Things you want to focus on but also things that are currently positive in your life. Close your ceremony by burning the paper to seal your intentions.
6. Prepare a May Basket
In older days, people would put together baskets of flowers, treats, home good products they made themselves within their community and hang them on the doors of neighbors or friends to share their bounty. Plus, it’s fun to give.
7. Prepare your Beltane Feast
This one is self-explanatory- but food is my love language so I’m going to explain anyways. Beltane was one of the major feast days. The easiest, most important thing you can do this Beltane is cook a meal with family or friends and share it with them. dairy, eggs, grains and foods of the harvest are great. Wild foraged foods are equally excellent for this. Honey, Oats, and Mead are also very traditional. You can always cook inside but given the nature of the fire festival I always encourage people to cook over an open flame, either with a fire pit (see bonfire) or even on a grill if that’s what you have to work with. Be intentional with your thoughts and actions while you cook. Take your time sharing your meal, don’t rush. Focus on connections and spending time with those you care about. Make good memories to enter the new season with.
8. Make ribbon wishes
Another old Beltane tradition is to write your wishes for the season on a little piece of ribbon and tie it to the branch of a tree (Hawthorne, Ash, and Sycamore are traditional- but any healthy growing tree will do).
9. Take action on a project you have been working on
Beltane is a time to focus on growth and prosperity during the wheel of the year. If you set intentions at Imbolc and planted those seeds at Ostara, then Beltane is the time to grow and take action. Starting a business, writing a book, learning a skill…. Whatever your goal was- now is the time to act and put your intentions to work.
10. Tend to your garden
Whether the last frost is just passing in your region and its now time to plant, or its already wonderfully warm and you have seedlings sprouting. Today is a good day to spend some time with your hands in the dirt. Walk your garden. Talk to your plants, set your intentions for them. help them grow. Manifest the Earth Mother today.
As always, have fun, enjoy the journey. Be safe and share your celebrations!
I had to give up my career in Tarot Reading… there was no future in it.
Almost everybody I know wishes they knew what their future held. Everybody has questions about the unknown, and we are no different than our ancestors in that regard. Humanity has been seeking their fortunes in everything from the stars, to runes, animal bones, and even their own hands for centuries. It is one of the most popular story conflicts: Do you want to know your future, is it better to know, does knowing affect the future, do you have the power to change it?
Humans are fascinated by the future, by the idea of free will versus destiny and whether we have any control or choice in the matter. For both those who take it seriously and even those that simply view it as a quirky past-time at carnivals in tents draped with shawls and strange lamps there is a certain amount of mysticism and awe- even among the skeptics.
Like everything else about the universe, I am fascinated by how things came to be the way they are now. The tale of how Tarot came to be is a fascinating one, so in the words of Scat Cat from the Aristocats “Let me Elucidate here for you”. Let’s read into the history of Tarot Cards, and I’ll share with you my personal beliefs on the uses of Tarot and its value in self-reflection.
Cards from the oldest known tarot deck (The Visconti-Sforza Tarot circa 1441-1447)
Tarot cards actually started off as a deck of cards used for playing a card game called Tarrochi. They had nothing to do with fortune telling. You can find a link for the original rules of the game {here}. The original Tarot Deck was remarkably similar to any other deck of playing cards you might see. If you live in the continental U.S., you are problem most familiar with Bicycle playing cards. Like your modern Spades, Hearts, Clubs, and Diamonds; Tarot cards were split into 4 houses. Traditionally Cups, Swords, Wands, and Coins. Germany even had a Variation that was Acorns, Hearts, Leaves, and Bells. In those original days of card playing, they were individually hand painted and expensive. Now, originals are exceedingly rare. What sets aside Tarot Decks in structure from other decks of cards are the 21 trump cards- whose values are greater than that of all the other cards; These are what later came to be called the Major Arcana.
Court De Gebelin
Cartomancy- or the study of divination through Cards didn’t really become a thing until the 1400’s, but it wasn’t until 1781 that the tarot deck specifically became involved. A French Clergyman, Court de Gebelin was the first man to attempt to ascribe any sort of mystical meaning to individual cards. Many people claimed that the concept of Tarot in the Occult sense was brought to Europe from a region in Egypt know as Mamluk. His works went so far as to claim that the cards of the Tarot deck were actually a fractured copy of the Book of Thoth, supposedly written by the Egyptian God of wisdom, magic, and knowledge; which mythologically contained two spells- one that allows the reader to understand the speech of animals, and one which allows the reader to perceive the gods themselves and the knowledge of the future (Jasnow, Richard Lewis; Karl-Theodor Zauzich (2005). The Ancient Egyptian Book of Thoth: A Demotic Discourse on Knowledge & Pendant to Classical Hermetica. Otto Harrassowitz Verlag. ISBN9783447050821.) though no Egyptologist been able to find documentable proof of jump from Egypt to Europe.
the Emerald Tablet of Thoth
an Engraving of Thoth
the region of Mamluk
Jean Baptiste Alliette
Several Years later Jean Baptiste Alliette was the first to assign specific meanings to specific cards in the context of divination. Etteilla (his penname) published his work Manière de se récréer avec le jeu de cartes nommées tarots (“Way to recreate yourself with the deck of cards called tarots”). which is still considered the standard reference work of Tarot cartomancy. In 1789 he also created the first true “Tarot” Deck specific to divination, which introduced the structure of major and minor Arcana still used today based off his correspondences between the tarot, astrology, the four classical elements and the four humors. He also founded the first Tarot Society.
In the 230 years since, any number of variations, versions, and alternative decks have been designed with different intentions and all distinctive styles of artwork. There are traditional and non-traditional decks and many that deviate from traditional card spreads and meaning standards (these typically come with their own books so you can learn your deck).
Now for an unpopular opinion. Don’t hate me. I do not think Tarot decks can predict my future. I’m sorry, but I have my earth child feet planted too firmly in the dirt to think that I have some pre-determined destiny or that even if I am free to make my own choices those choices will somehow land me in the same inevitability. That is not to say however that I don’t think that everything happens for a reason and that sometimes the Universe, or God, or the Powers that Be (whatever you choose to believe in or call it) aren’t trying to steer me in a particular direction or impart some little piece of wisdom- sometimes it’s just too obvious to be anything else. But I do believe in taking responsibility for my choices and actions. They are mine, not fate’s.
Nor do I believe that my cards can answer “questions” or tell me what to do. I do not believe that any choice I make will be “because the cards say so”- they are my choices, and I will make them for myself. I said the opinion was unpopular, please- hear me out. I’ve had a couple people ask me:
“Well then how come you claim to love the concept of Tarot if you don’t believe in any of it?”
OR
“What do you mean, come to the cards with a question in mind if you don’t think it’s really going to answer it?”
What I do believe in is insight. and I DO believe in a higher power, and that sometimes that higher power communicates in ways we don’t understand right away. I do believe in manifesting, or as the late Napolean Hill said, “the Mind attracts the things it dwells upon”. I believe in magic in the sense that sometimes we have to see the world the way we want it to be instead of the way it is and through sheer will and mind power (MANIFESTING) force it to be what we want and need because we will accept no less (I tip my hat to you Elizabeth Haydon). No momentous change came about from accepting things the way they were-I am a dreamer in that sense. I believe in the concept of a transfer of energy and communication (you can call it prayer if you are Christian, or communion with a higher being, or communion with yourself if that is your belief). I also believe that sometimes you need to put yourself OUTSIDE of yourself or your situation to answer something clearly and calmly.
So, to answer the question: Tarot is an amazing tool for meditation, self-reflection, and critical thinking. some people can put themselves outside a situation on their own, if you need help to find that unbiased look- tarot is a great tool. When I say “come to the cards with a question in mind” it’s because if you are coming to the cards with a question in mind, you are more likely to pull cards that are relevant to you because you’ll find relevancy in the context. Tarot cards are not like horoscopes, they aren’t going to tell you to avoid the color yellow and Chinese food for the day. Instead, they are going to present possibilities and obstacles- sometimes in the form of yourself.
I ask open-ended questions related to problems I am facing in my life. introspective questions, questions about myself and my ability for growth. By virtue of the way tarot decks are structured and used, the answers are multi-faceted, open to interpretation, and often questions in themselves. Sometimes the cards’ “answer” will be powerful simply because they force you to ask yourself questions and look at yourself differently. Sometimes the answers and solutions are possibilities that would not have even occurred to me on my own. You do not necessarily have to take the advice, but at least you’ve considered something you otherwise wouldn’t have. Through a process of self-reflection that is inherent in Tarot you are now exploring possibilities that wouldn’t have crossed your mind simply because you are too close to yourself or your situation.
No cards in tarot are good or bad. I always hate it when tarot readers in movies flip a card and go “this is a good card” or inhale dramatically and go “there is great bloodshed in front of you.” I call B.S. They just are what they are, and that is a beautiful thing. It gives you the ability to quit labeling things as good and bad or success and failure and just let it be YOUR decision or YOUR experience.
Examples of my own decksExamples of my own decks
Each card has a meaning, and an inverse; and different decks are written with different intentions and spread styles, which is why it is so important to pick a deck that resonates with you. Look at the art, read about the artist/ author, listen to the tone, see if you can find an excerpt from the manual (most specialty decks come with a guidebook). Make sure it’s something that meshes with who you are as a person. If it feels off, it probably is.
If you are interested in learning more, stay tuned. In the coming weeks we will be continuing our conversation about tarot focusing on different kinds of spreads, decks, how to read cards, examples of the multiple meanings of cards using my own deck as an example, and if I’m feeling particularly brave- examples of readings I’ve done for myself and the meaning I took from them and how they helped me make decisions.
Do you feel like the world gets faster every day? Like no matter how quickly you move, or how you habit stack your day you’re just a little bit behind speed, rushing to catch up and get to the next thing on your to-do list? Do you frequently feel like, as happy as you may be, there’s always something right on the edge of your peripheral you’re missing, or missing out on? Do you struggle to stay grounded with all of the multitasking, multi-focusing that society expects everyone to maintain in modern society?
ME TOO.
I’ve spent a lot of time feeling that way. Even if I enjoyed what I was currently doing or working on, part of my brain was always focused on whatever my next “thing” was. Next idea, next obligation, next appointment. The constant mental dialogue and running “to-do” list in my head not only led me to be distracted all the time, but anxious and tired. I would miss important details in conversations, zone out, or when looking back on positive experiences, be mad that I couldn’t remember the details as much as I wanted to.
I get over stimulated easily, and really struggle with anxiety; especially in loud spaces (I recently discovered Loop Earplugs- and they have become my best friends). If you knew me as a child this is 100% ‘a catch 22 meets irony’ moment. Focusing my attention without getting overwhelmed by the sheer volume of stuff (good stuff, bad stuff, exciting stuff, boring stuff, chores, ideas, music lyrics, internal monologue, anything and everything stuff) in my head is a frequent challenge. I struggle to feel grounded and mellow. I do not hold still well, never have (except for when I accidentally zone out standing in front of a bookshelf and don’t move for an hour and a half because I’m staring into space).
If this is starting to sound a lot like a severe case of ADHD…. Well, surprise, surprise; turns out I do in fact suffer from ADHD. Who knew? BUT this isn’t an ADHD self- diagnoses post. In fact, if you suspect you may have ADHD I cannot urge you enough to seek out a medical expert and get tested instead of schlogging through hours of articles and tiktoks or instagram posts. While there’s nothing wrong with doing your own research, I think it is better to see a specialist.
I avoided getting tested because it seemed too complicated and quite frankly a little part of me was afraid of it. I was afraid of what it indicated, and what feedback I might get from certain people in my family. But that’s a discussion for another day. Having finally decided to get tested at the ripe old age of 27 and get not only an answer, but help for some of the aspects that have been causing me issues, I wish I had done so sooner. Not just for the sake of knowing, but because I am learning that there are so many things I could have made easier for myself sooner, and in some ways I was fighting a battle with myself that I didn’t need too. I’ve been able to out hack my brain in certain areas as a result of learning more about the actual science behind ADHD and what it means in my day to day life.
And while I am still learning, and still have things I need to work on (like time blindness), I have a better understanding of HOW to set myself up for success and how to help me get what I need. I also have more patience for myself and I’m learning to have a certain amount of grace with myself. It’s taken stress off of me, and by extension, my family.
Which brings me to my real point. I reencountered something that I have on some level been aware of for most of my young and adult life but never really used or practiced. Now, at a much different point in my life, its been retaught to me and am learning to use as a tool when I get overstimulated, when I panic, when everything is just going too fast. It’s not specific to ADHD. Anybody can practice it and use it. Honestly, I think everybody should. The positive side effects are endless, and the process itself is relaxing. Its been an absolute game changer both mentally and emotionally; but also physically and spiritually.
I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT THE ART OF MINDFULNESS AND MEDITATION.
Sounds fancy. Sounds New Wave. Sounds like the kind of thing practiced by hippies in the 70’s or gate-kept by rich tech moguls with an excess of time on their hands. Or at least, that’s how I felt every time the head sensei of my dojo or my yoga teacher talked about it when I was a kid. It was ‘hippie woowoo’ and way over my head.
I didn’t have the patience or the attention span for it, and at 11 I couldn’t fathom how on earth thinking about how learning to let go of your thoughts could make you feel present in the moment, or how “letting them go” could really calm my mind or my body. I couldn’t even figure out what ‘letting the thoughts go’ really meant.
11 year old me was like “If I could do that, I would, trust me. I can’t just turn my brain off”
Young adult me also tried to dabble in meditation for a brief period of time around the age of 22 at a Tibetan Cultural Center in Phoenix, Arizona. I had slightly better success, but not by much. At that point, I was more receptive to the idea and I was fascinated by the concept, but I could just never get the practice to stick. Partially because habit forming is really hard when you have ADHD it turns out, but mostly because part of the meditation practices I was attending went through a process of acknowledging the body and its sensations as part of the opening. They did this through a process of focusing your attention to each area in turn and really turning your attention to how your body feels. This was at a time when I was really struggling with getting my Fibro Myalgia under control. I had a particular ongoing problem with my legs and I had spent a lot of time trying to teach myself to IGNORE my body and the sensations attached to it to try and keep myself calm, and that part of the process was acutely uncomfortable for me bordering on panic inducing. So I didn’t stick with it. I wish I had.
FAST FORWARD
I’m about a year into practicing now. And I’ll tell you why it has become one of the biggest tools in my belt. (It EVEN helps me overcome the nerve pain sensations I was struggling so hard to ignore).
You can do it anywhere. At home. In your cubicle at your desk. In your car at lunch. In the bathroom hiding from your kids. In your kitchen while you cook. Practicing mindfulness and meditation does not mean sitting cross-legged for hours in a dim room in silence. You can if you choose to, but it’s not like you’ve either reached a buddha state of enlightenment or you haven’t. Meditation is a constant practice, and you can practice it to whatever degree is useful to you. It’s not a destination or something you can achieve, but instead you can pull out of your back pocket whenever and use as much as you need to.
Once you understand the principle of it, anything can be meditative. I do enjoy sitting meditations, but there’s also walking meditations, laying meditations, and interactive meditations.
What feels like the biggest secret ever kept to me is what mindfulness and mediation actually is. Its not some big fancy right or wrong process full of mojo and specific processes. Stated simply, Mindfulness is the practice of being aware of one’s thoughts, feelings, sensations, and environment in the present moment, without judging or evaluating them.
Meditation is a tool used to practice mindfulness. It is taking a second to breathe, to center yourself, to observe your surroundings. To acknowledge when you feel overstimulated, or anxious, or tired, or even happy. Mindfulness is the practice of allowing yourself to feel whatever it is that you feel in the present moment and acknowledge the emotion or feeling for what it is without feeling guilty or angry. Sometimes half the emotional spiral is how you feel about your feelings. Mindfulness helps to work through that. It helps create the tiny bit of a barrier that I sometimes need to work through something. It removes me from the feeling just enough to allow me to examine it calmly, and in the privacy of my own thoughts. In some ways, its more about being intentional with your thoughts and actions than being some uber calm zen guru.
It costs you nothing to practice. And it does take practice. 5 minutes here. 2 minutes there. 45 seconds here. 10 minutes. 20 minutes. The more you practice, the easier it gets.
I started with focused meditation. I set aside 5 minutes a day to reflect and to go through the process of meditating. It was awkward and I was bad at it and it felt weird. It did. But the more I did it, not only did I get better at it and start seeing the benefits of it but I also began to see different ways I can do it.
Overwhelmed making dinner because your family is settling in for the night? its loud, people are asking you questions, the kitchen is already a mess and you’re trying to keep track of the things you still need to do tonight while setting up your to-do list for tomorrow to include any of today’s overflow and how to prioritize the most important things on that list? Feel like your heart is going a million miles and hour and it might rupture because you’re not actually a racehorse? Now I can breathe a few times, focus on the crunch of carrots when I chop them, feel the weight of the knife in my hand, smell the rosemary in the pan and remind myself that I am making dinner right now, and that makes dinner the most important thing on my to-do list. And therefore I can focus my attention on the moment and what I’m doing instead of everything I need to do or haven’t done.
Does it work every time? No. That’s why it is called practicing meditation. But it has greatly bolstered my ability to regulate myself instead of needing somebody else to help me do that.
Additionally, Meditation has also been show to decrease stress, promote emotional health, lengthen your attention span, reduce age related memory loss, help fight addiction, increase sleep health, control pain, and decrease blood pressure.
It slowly and gently teaches you to be more aware and more open in the present moment. I do feel less ambiently anxious and less rushed. And when I do still feel overwhelmed, I have something at my fingertips that can take the edge off.
There are a number of different styles of mindfulness and meditation, but the overall concept is the same. The hardest part for me, of beginning to practice and find out more about the mindfulness concept was getting out of my own head, and being unafraid to ask questions and meet new people; something I don’t always excel at. As well as finding information that resonated with me.
There is SO MUCH information out there which is both a pro and a con. You don’t have to look very far, but the sheer amount of resources can be overwhelming for someone who is unsure where to start.
If you are interested in starting your own journey, below are some of my favorite resources- from books to do some more learning to audio programs with guided meditations for beginners. I hope that this helps make the journey a little less daunting.
An Invitation to Meditation by Howard Cohn. This is a VERY short easy read. Bordering on Poetry. This really helped me breakdown that feeling of unattainability surrounding meditation. I had the opportunity to meet him at a Meditation event in Phoenix and it was him that sat down with me and answered some questions and helped me work through the struggles of focusing ON my body instead of ignoring it. He gave me the copy of the short book as a gift.
Mindfulness Minutes on the Fitbit Premium App. There are sooooo many different meditation apps out there on the market. I am partial to this one because it syncs with the rest of my fit bit, and I find it fascinating that I can see the correlation between my heart rate and my meditation sessions after the fact. Additionally the library has hundreds of different length and topic meditations for those just figuring it out. anywhere from 20 minute longer sessions to 2 minutes breathing exercising. Cooking meditations, shower meditations, focus meditations. Great for somebody like me who really needs that guided portion because your attention span is shorter than that squirrel from ‘Over the Hedge’.
The waking up app. This one is something my Fiancé uses more than I, but I’ve listened to a lot of them. The bonus to this particular app is it was written and designed by Sam Harris who is a Noted Philosopher, Neuroscientist, & Author. You will notice that his name appears multiple times on this list. This App also includes a number of vintage recordings by Alan Watts, those are worth the membership themselves. The talks are fascinating and I could listen to the man speak for hours.
Waking up by Sam Harris. The book of the same name by Sam Harris is another amazing resource for those of you who prefer to read and be able to make notes in margins, save/ highlight things.
John Kabat-Zinn’s Masterclass on Mindfulness. This was an amazing experience, straight from one of the leading experts themselves. Broken up into small bites sized pieces. He has over 40 years of teaching experience and is basically the father of the Medically applied concept. He is an expert at saying things in simple layman’s terms that are easy to understand and digest.
If you are just starting your journey, I’d love to hear if any of these help you as much as they do me. If you’ve been practicing for a bit, I’d love it if you’d chime in with any other resources that have been incredibly helpful to you. the art of intentionality and mindfulness has so many applications and uses. If nothing else I think it helps make us more self-aware and as a result, kinder, better people with more compassion for ourselves and others. It can be hard to stay in the moment. It can be hard to find inner peace with everything going on in the larger world and around us. This has helped me find peace in a lot of ways. What would having the ability to flip a switch and find peace do for you? What would that inner calm help you do during your day?
