I hope you know it is with 100% sincerity that I say we are so sorry that we have not been as active recently on our social media accounts or our blog. It’s not that we have not been thinking about it, RavenWerks is forever on our mind. Honestly, more so than ever lately.
But the truth of it is we have been getting sucker punched by the universe one after another lately and have been reminding ourselves to give each other grace. Between losses in the family, the move, the new job, the final stages of wedding planning, then the wedding (yay!), and an exploded water heater that has since turned into a mold-meets-asbestos demolition zone; we have just been taking everything one day at a time and reminding each other constantly to take the day as it comes. That sometimes just getting through the day IS the win. Not a win, or part of the win but the whole and only win.
Which brings me, weirdly, to my topic for the day. I don’t mean to come at you from left field, because I feel like its not my usual sort of topic. It’s something that has been coming up a lot lately for me. With everything going on in my world I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting on life, and the cycles it offers us.
Life Has Seasons
Only so much can happen in a brief period of time before you must stop and ask yourself “What is the universe trying to tell me? What is this season of my life trying to teach me?” Sometimes, in seasons like this, I have to think about it for a while and search for the answer. Other times, someone might as well have screamed it in my ear. I feel like this has been one of those times.
So, in case you are experiencing a season like me, I thought I’d share. Because I’m beginning to get the feeling that this is what she wants me to do.
Your Purpose in life is too LIVE. You are a human being, not a human doing. Sometimes you need to just ‘be’. You do not have to have a greater purpose or calling to make your life worth living.
Discover the Freeing Power of Giving Yourself Grace to be Human
Sometimes, you just have to be happy that you made it through the day. I know that sounds backwards from the woman trying to build a huge multi-level all-inclusive safe-space, creative center, and nerd zone. I feel like I have a purpose. And I am passionate. About a lot of things.
Photo Credit: Emma with Let’s Go Sig. Taken at Olympic National Park
BUT what I learned this season is that it’s hard to convey passion about things you ARE passionate about when you are over-extended, burnt out, and drained. You end up feeling mad and disappointed in yourself because you don’t feel like you did something justice or gave it the room or attention it deserved. That to grow healthy roots for a tree we mean to nurture for a long time; sometimes you need to take a step back and nourish yourself so you can grow correctly. Even trees go dormant in the winter. Grow when you are able. grow in your spring. Listen to your body and acknowledge that life has seasons.
I have learned that sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is give yourself grace and move forward when the time is right to do so. I’m not saying don’t work for things or don’t try to work through things. Heaven’s no. growth happens in the area just outside your comfort zone and I want you to be all that you can be with reckless abandon. But it’s okay to do what you can and give yourself grace with the rest.
A “Higher Calling isn’t Required
Finding your “purpose” or having a passion is great. It’s an amazing feeling to feel like you have “found your calling”. But you were not put on this earth to have a ‘purpose’. Your life is not a waste or somehow worth less if it takes you longer to find it. Some people never find it. Or when they find it, it’s not what they thought it would be. You don’t have to save the world, cure cancer, or even get a degree.
Taylor taking a moment to process life and ground herself following a really rough day.
Those things are noteworthy and amazing. But dial your DNA back a bit and look at humanity as whole. Just a few short centuries ago. Your purpose is to survive. Your purpose is to wake up , look at the sky, fill your lungs with air, smell flowers, feel the earth, eat food, and survive. You are not a machine. You are not a worker bee. You are not a cog in a clock or a gear in an engine. You are a living, breathing, human being. And that is magic enough.
So, if you are in one of those seasons where you are treading water, and just trying to keep your head above water: that is okay. Take deep breaths and remember that floating sometimes saves a lot of energy. I know that it can be hard in the fast paced, achievement based society we live in. Consider starting yourself the practice of “Mindfulness Minutes” first thing in the morning before the chaos of the day begins, or maybe right before bed if you’re a night owl. If you haven’t heard me talk about mindfulness and medititation, that’s okay! You can check out my intro post on the topic of mindfulness and medidation. Its got some resources for anybody looking to start.
Taylor and Mikaela at the Broken Wand
It is okay to say, “maybe not today, because I am tired, or I just can’t yet; but there is always tomorrow, and I will try again tomorrow.” It is okay to ground yourself with the reminder that “I am just one person.” If you haven’t taken time yet today to go outside and breathe, go do it. Take some time, take deep slow breaths. And remember that Existing is enough.
Do you feel like the world gets faster every day? Like no matter how quickly you move, or how you habit stack your day you’re just a little bit behind speed, rushing to catch up and get to the next thing on your to-do list? Do you frequently feel like, as happy as you may be, there’s always something right on the edge of your peripheral you’re missing, or missing out on? Do you struggle to stay grounded with all of the multitasking, multi-focusing that society expects everyone to maintain in modern society?
ME TOO.
I’ve spent a lot of time feeling that way. Even if I enjoyed what I was currently doing or working on, part of my brain was always focused on whatever my next “thing” was. Next idea, next obligation, next appointment. The constant mental dialogue and running “to-do” list in my head not only led me to be distracted all the time, but anxious and tired. I would miss important details in conversations, zone out, or when looking back on positive experiences, be mad that I couldn’t remember the details as much as I wanted to.
I get over stimulated easily, and really struggle with anxiety; especially in loud spaces (I recently discovered Loop Earplugs- and they have become my best friends). If you knew me as a child this is 100% ‘a catch 22 meets irony’ moment. Focusing my attention without getting overwhelmed by the sheer volume of stuff (good stuff, bad stuff, exciting stuff, boring stuff, chores, ideas, music lyrics, internal monologue, anything and everything stuff) in my head is a frequent challenge. I struggle to feel grounded and mellow. I do not hold still well, never have (except for when I accidentally zone out standing in front of a bookshelf and don’t move for an hour and a half because I’m staring into space).
If this is starting to sound a lot like a severe case of ADHD…. Well, surprise, surprise; turns out I do in fact suffer from ADHD. Who knew? BUT this isn’t an ADHD self- diagnoses post. In fact, if you suspect you may have ADHD I cannot urge you enough to seek out a medical expert and get tested instead of schlogging through hours of articles and tiktoks or instagram posts. While there’s nothing wrong with doing your own research, I think it is better to see a specialist.
I avoided getting tested because it seemed too complicated and quite frankly a little part of me was afraid of it. I was afraid of what it indicated, and what feedback I might get from certain people in my family. But that’s a discussion for another day. Having finally decided to get tested at the ripe old age of 27 and get not only an answer, but help for some of the aspects that have been causing me issues, I wish I had done so sooner. Not just for the sake of knowing, but because I am learning that there are so many things I could have made easier for myself sooner, and in some ways I was fighting a battle with myself that I didn’t need too. I’ve been able to out hack my brain in certain areas as a result of learning more about the actual science behind ADHD and what it means in my day to day life.
And while I am still learning, and still have things I need to work on (like time blindness), I have a better understanding of HOW to set myself up for success and how to help me get what I need. I also have more patience for myself and I’m learning to have a certain amount of grace with myself. It’s taken stress off of me, and by extension, my family.
Which brings me to my real point. I reencountered something that I have on some level been aware of for most of my young and adult life but never really used or practiced. Now, at a much different point in my life, its been retaught to me and am learning to use as a tool when I get overstimulated, when I panic, when everything is just going too fast. It’s not specific to ADHD. Anybody can practice it and use it. Honestly, I think everybody should. The positive side effects are endless, and the process itself is relaxing. Its been an absolute game changer both mentally and emotionally; but also physically and spiritually.
I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT THE ART OF MINDFULNESS AND MEDITATION.
Sounds fancy. Sounds New Wave. Sounds like the kind of thing practiced by hippies in the 70’s or gate-kept by rich tech moguls with an excess of time on their hands. Or at least, that’s how I felt every time the head sensei of my dojo or my yoga teacher talked about it when I was a kid. It was ‘hippie woowoo’ and way over my head.
I didn’t have the patience or the attention span for it, and at 11 I couldn’t fathom how on earth thinking about how learning to let go of your thoughts could make you feel present in the moment, or how “letting them go” could really calm my mind or my body. I couldn’t even figure out what ‘letting the thoughts go’ really meant.
11 year old me was like “If I could do that, I would, trust me. I can’t just turn my brain off”
Young adult me also tried to dabble in meditation for a brief period of time around the age of 22 at a Tibetan Cultural Center in Phoenix, Arizona. I had slightly better success, but not by much. At that point, I was more receptive to the idea and I was fascinated by the concept, but I could just never get the practice to stick. Partially because habit forming is really hard when you have ADHD it turns out, but mostly because part of the meditation practices I was attending went through a process of acknowledging the body and its sensations as part of the opening. They did this through a process of focusing your attention to each area in turn and really turning your attention to how your body feels. This was at a time when I was really struggling with getting my Fibro Myalgia under control. I had a particular ongoing problem with my legs and I had spent a lot of time trying to teach myself to IGNORE my body and the sensations attached to it to try and keep myself calm, and that part of the process was acutely uncomfortable for me bordering on panic inducing. So I didn’t stick with it. I wish I had.
FAST FORWARD
I’m about a year into practicing now. And I’ll tell you why it has become one of the biggest tools in my belt. (It EVEN helps me overcome the nerve pain sensations I was struggling so hard to ignore).
You can do it anywhere. At home. In your cubicle at your desk. In your car at lunch. In the bathroom hiding from your kids. In your kitchen while you cook. Practicing mindfulness and meditation does not mean sitting cross-legged for hours in a dim room in silence. You can if you choose to, but it’s not like you’ve either reached a buddha state of enlightenment or you haven’t. Meditation is a constant practice, and you can practice it to whatever degree is useful to you. It’s not a destination or something you can achieve, but instead you can pull out of your back pocket whenever and use as much as you need to.
Once you understand the principle of it, anything can be meditative. I do enjoy sitting meditations, but there’s also walking meditations, laying meditations, and interactive meditations.
What feels like the biggest secret ever kept to me is what mindfulness and mediation actually is. Its not some big fancy right or wrong process full of mojo and specific processes. Stated simply, Mindfulness is the practice of being aware of one’s thoughts, feelings, sensations, and environment in the present moment, without judging or evaluating them.
Meditation is a tool used to practice mindfulness. It is taking a second to breathe, to center yourself, to observe your surroundings. To acknowledge when you feel overstimulated, or anxious, or tired, or even happy. Mindfulness is the practice of allowing yourself to feel whatever it is that you feel in the present moment and acknowledge the emotion or feeling for what it is without feeling guilty or angry. Sometimes half the emotional spiral is how you feel about your feelings. Mindfulness helps to work through that. It helps create the tiny bit of a barrier that I sometimes need to work through something. It removes me from the feeling just enough to allow me to examine it calmly, and in the privacy of my own thoughts. In some ways, its more about being intentional with your thoughts and actions than being some uber calm zen guru.
It costs you nothing to practice. And it does take practice. 5 minutes here. 2 minutes there. 45 seconds here. 10 minutes. 20 minutes. The more you practice, the easier it gets.
I started with focused meditation. I set aside 5 minutes a day to reflect and to go through the process of meditating. It was awkward and I was bad at it and it felt weird. It did. But the more I did it, not only did I get better at it and start seeing the benefits of it but I also began to see different ways I can do it.
Overwhelmed making dinner because your family is settling in for the night? its loud, people are asking you questions, the kitchen is already a mess and you’re trying to keep track of the things you still need to do tonight while setting up your to-do list for tomorrow to include any of today’s overflow and how to prioritize the most important things on that list? Feel like your heart is going a million miles and hour and it might rupture because you’re not actually a racehorse? Now I can breathe a few times, focus on the crunch of carrots when I chop them, feel the weight of the knife in my hand, smell the rosemary in the pan and remind myself that I am making dinner right now, and that makes dinner the most important thing on my to-do list. And therefore I can focus my attention on the moment and what I’m doing instead of everything I need to do or haven’t done.
Does it work every time? No. That’s why it is called practicing meditation. But it has greatly bolstered my ability to regulate myself instead of needing somebody else to help me do that.
Additionally, Meditation has also been show to decrease stress, promote emotional health, lengthen your attention span, reduce age related memory loss, help fight addiction, increase sleep health, control pain, and decrease blood pressure.
It slowly and gently teaches you to be more aware and more open in the present moment. I do feel less ambiently anxious and less rushed. And when I do still feel overwhelmed, I have something at my fingertips that can take the edge off.
There are a number of different styles of mindfulness and meditation, but the overall concept is the same. The hardest part for me, of beginning to practice and find out more about the mindfulness concept was getting out of my own head, and being unafraid to ask questions and meet new people; something I don’t always excel at. As well as finding information that resonated with me.
There is SO MUCH information out there which is both a pro and a con. You don’t have to look very far, but the sheer amount of resources can be overwhelming for someone who is unsure where to start.
If you are interested in starting your own journey, below are some of my favorite resources- from books to do some more learning to audio programs with guided meditations for beginners. I hope that this helps make the journey a little less daunting.
An Invitation to Meditation by Howard Cohn. This is a VERY short easy read. Bordering on Poetry. This really helped me breakdown that feeling of unattainability surrounding meditation. I had the opportunity to meet him at a Meditation event in Phoenix and it was him that sat down with me and answered some questions and helped me work through the struggles of focusing ON my body instead of ignoring it. He gave me the copy of the short book as a gift.
Mindfulness Minutes on the Fitbit Premium App. There are sooooo many different meditation apps out there on the market. I am partial to this one because it syncs with the rest of my fit bit, and I find it fascinating that I can see the correlation between my heart rate and my meditation sessions after the fact. Additionally the library has hundreds of different length and topic meditations for those just figuring it out. anywhere from 20 minute longer sessions to 2 minutes breathing exercising. Cooking meditations, shower meditations, focus meditations. Great for somebody like me who really needs that guided portion because your attention span is shorter than that squirrel from ‘Over the Hedge’.
The waking up app. This one is something my Fiancé uses more than I, but I’ve listened to a lot of them. The bonus to this particular app is it was written and designed by Sam Harris who is a Noted Philosopher, Neuroscientist, & Author. You will notice that his name appears multiple times on this list. This App also includes a number of vintage recordings by Alan Watts, those are worth the membership themselves. The talks are fascinating and I could listen to the man speak for hours.
Waking up by Sam Harris. The book of the same name by Sam Harris is another amazing resource for those of you who prefer to read and be able to make notes in margins, save/ highlight things.
John Kabat-Zinn’s Masterclass on Mindfulness. This was an amazing experience, straight from one of the leading experts themselves. Broken up into small bites sized pieces. He has over 40 years of teaching experience and is basically the father of the Medically applied concept. He is an expert at saying things in simple layman’s terms that are easy to understand and digest.
If you are just starting your journey, I’d love to hear if any of these help you as much as they do me. If you’ve been practicing for a bit, I’d love it if you’d chime in with any other resources that have been incredibly helpful to you. the art of intentionality and mindfulness has so many applications and uses. If nothing else I think it helps make us more self-aware and as a result, kinder, better people with more compassion for ourselves and others. It can be hard to stay in the moment. It can be hard to find inner peace with everything going on in the larger world and around us. This has helped me find peace in a lot of ways. What would having the ability to flip a switch and find peace do for you? What would that inner calm help you do during your day?
